oh fuck, i hope my mother does not ask me to go to church again. there is NO way i can so no, unless i am sick. i don't want to lie if i am not sick. but, i also do not want to go to church. i went last friday and someone said something very nice about my grandmother and i almost started crying. all the ladies i did not know were saying they knew i was her daughter (one because we are white and there are not too many white people there) and how much i looked like her and this and that. she told them i look more like my "birth" father. well, anyway, one of the ladies asked if i was married, i said NOOOOOOO. the lady told my mother she was lucky. lol. then, my mother said something about wanting grandchildren. i said, i want them too but there is not much i can do about that. that means, i want grandchildren other than children to raise myself. lol