so to the regulars on the forum(and the newbies if you have something to say), we've been here long enough to know each other pretty well in terms of our past, our sense humor, our political and religious beliefs, and even our fetishes. lol.

after a while the conversations begin take on a fluffy-lite feeling, which is all good. but i don't like fluffy and lite. i like deep and heavy. here is my deep and heavy thought for the night...

i'm getting older and the idea of commitment is really starting to sparkle for some reason. probably because i'm tired and the courting process has really lost its luster. even R&B can't help me now. but even though the "C" word seems prettier to me, i'm still a little hesitant about commitment. this is why...

when i was in my longest-term relationship, somewhere between the 5th year and the 6th year, i lost the ability to Get It Up for my girl. i mean, i could get it up, but just not for her. hell, the freaking wind could blow against my crotch and it'd be up, but when my girl would lay there naked asking me to fuck her, it'd be as limp as a wet... mountain of dough. lol.

this became a problem later on and manifested itself in this...

"you're not attracted to me anymore, are you?"

"what? uh.. no, i am. i'm attracted to you. i LOVE you!"

"then why can't you get it up for me? are you having some problems down there? maybe you should see a... "

"NO. i'm fine. it's not down there that's the problem."

"then it's me."

i never told her it was her, but it was her... and me. what happened? i still cared about her. i still loved her. but i just didn't want to fuck her anymore. what does this mean? how can i solve this problem?

and don't say "you just got sick of banging her, dude"

yes, i know this. but why? why does this happen to everyone? i was young and my testosterone level was still quite high.

is every relationship destined to become a sexless one?

...and thus begins the 7 yr itch..the stuff of novels and made for TV movies...

you just started a year early....

Not every relationship or marriage is not destined to be sexless...
BUT sex can NOT sustain a relationship for the long term..at least not in and of itself..as you discovered.

The way i read this is ( whether you admit it or not) the start up and majority of this relationship was based on physical attraction..then when that is gone..poof? now what?

the cruel irony here is that...you can still have a good relationship on alot of levels without alot of physical intimacy..ie...a partneris injured, impotent etc..
there are ways to work around it, maintain the intimate closeness, and friendship, having a confidant and partner in this life.

But you have to have that first, you will always have that foundation to fall back on. Ive seen couples married 50 yrs, that still hold hands, and whisper to eachother...you know they arent doin' it every nite....

seems like sometimes we have it all backwards..we jump into bed, then start to get to know eachother..then find out we really arent compatible.

thats my deep thought for the night...ugh..my head hurts...

but guys need sex to make us feel about ourselves.

actually, it feels really good too. lol.

i never told her it was her, but it was her... and me. what happened? i still cared about her. i still loved her. but i just didn't want to fuck her anymore. what does this mean? how can i solve this problem?

.. I thought this was the question?


yes guys need sex..you can get that anywhere...you tried to make a relationship based on that need..and it doesnt work.

I was in a 4 year relationship where sex was an urban legend for 3.5 years. I loved him with all my heart and even after we broke up, we remained very close. Hell, we still lived together up until about 2 months ago. But we weren't IN LOVE with each other anymore. Sometimes, especially at young ages, people don't see the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Especially after the relationship has reached a point where you still care for her but just not in that type of way. It's like having a really hot girl friend that you grew up with. Yes, she's hot, she's got the moves, and she makes men beg, but you just don't see her that way.

In a relationship, I sometimes think it's me too. But then I also realize that sometimes, he's just a big ass and then I go limp.

It wasn't her, it was you.
First thing is, if you can't discuss this most intimate issue with her, then you aren't sharing intimacy. While I realize that you probably did not want to hurt her feelings or unleash a s**tstorm, in order for a committed relationship to work, you have to become transparent and share those details in order to work toward a successful resolution.

No intimacy=no trust=no basis for a real relationship.

You need to honestly examine why you had issues, since it obviously wasn't a physical issue. Professionals can help you get to the root of the problem, but know in advance that this requires complete transparency on your part.
It all depends on how much you're willing to share openly and how much you're willing to consider and utilize the recommendations the professional makes.

Anyone who wants to know how to find such a professional, PM me.

I know someone whose life was clearly not working, especially where his relationships with women were concerned. He even went to all the trouble to go to a therapist for advice and then refused to go back after the initial visit because, he misunderstood the diagnosis wording and just simply did not agree with the therapist's conclusions. He has serious communication issues and lives in a totally "reactive" mind instead of thinking things through.

He told me in detail what the therapist said and asked me my opinion.
I had to say that the therapist was right on.
Judging from my own professional knowledge, I would go so far as to say that, if he had continued and cooperated with the therapy, he could resolve the major problems in his life. Why? Because other problems are a "spin-off" of the main issue. But, he chose to go on doing what he's always done and getting the same results he's always gotten. That's called INSANITY.

At times in my own life, when I recognized that I wasn't enjoying or functioning in my life as well as I desired, I sought out help.
I commend you for seeking advice and direction.
This takes a Real Man or a Real Woman to do that!

"Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete."

^ yes.. I have to agree with SV on this aspect... it was you not her... with the issue...

Risky... shit it happens to the best of us... and it's all in the head...

When my wife and I were at each others throats... I've experienced the same things... but your situation is completely different... you need to find out the root cause and deal with it... I think part of your answer is in your original post...

Only STUPID and IGNORANT people find me offensive!

We have become so confused by what we should desire and how we should act on that desire that sex is not even skin deep anymore. We can have sex without love, we know that. But when we ask, can we have love without sex, do we really know love?

Do we really know why we would become a partner to another human being to share both the intimate and the mundane, the heavy and the fluffy-lite, the awesome and the boring, day after day, year after year? Do we have any real sense of what to expect in the passage of time form our own selves, let alone ourselves in partnership with another?

Committment means nothing, because committment can be declared without knowing anything about the future. Such are promises and contracts. In fact, fear about committment is more significant - because fear is something that can be examined.

To try to live your own life to the best of your ability, from the heart, from the soul, and to harness your inner light to guide your conscience and your mind - and then as a whole being, to accept the life of another person, and to continue to live, day to day, year after year to the best of your ability --- that doesn't require a declaration of committment.

And somedays it will be amazing and fantastic, and on other days, you might not be in synch.