I've been doing a lot of thinking about this, partially because I fall into this category and also because I'm encountering it with some of the men I date but as we get older, do we get set more and more in our ways, making it that much harder to date or enter a relationship?

I just turned 33 and have had two long term relationships and a few that lasted about 4-7 months. Not a huge dater, either I'm alone or in a relationship ... but recently, even though I'd like to think that I'm open to a relationship, I've found that my tolerance for bullshit has lessened and I'm more inclined to be alone than to deal with the hassles.

Because of this, I'm also starting to think that either I'm getting pickier about what's okay and what's not okay in the dating realm. That makes me feel a tad torn between the situation because either I'm becoming high maintenance or am not "settling."

Anyone else running into these thoughts or issues?

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars. ~ Khalil Gibran

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Mahatma Ghandi

In a certain age it's just normal that people have some ways set.
My personal bullshit tolerance sinks steadily but I think it an advantage.
There are fields in which I still would compromise but I don't take too much shit these days and it saves me from plenty of trouble I think.
In a certain age we just understand that we live on, with or without spouse and we know better what we want, so the result is that we select more.
It's natural and good as long as people don't get TOO picky and want the very perfect spouse.
Open your heart to who deserves it but those are hard to find.

OK, sometimes I wish I would be dumber to come along with people better.

EVERYTHING begins with a good de-pantsing! Sunny, June 20th '08

I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant!!Gordon Ramsay, Kitchen Nightmares

I agree with all of you. I am getting more (I wouldn't say picky but ..)selective about whom I would date. I think as you get older as others have said that you know who you are and it is not necessarily about fitting in and what not but about being around those who help you grow.

Those that maintain to stay within the BS factor need not apply. So I am totally with you ladies. Now Berg do you have to feed love slaves ....I don't want to have to cook for 15 people again....(j/k)

I think that's quite normal... you have 3 decades of life experience under your belt... it makes perfect sense to use that experience to determine what you will and will not find acceptable in dating, in a relationship, even in friendships.

I know I use my experience to determine whether to continue dating someone or not... and ultimately, it comes down to --> do we share enough of the same core values?... which are different from person to person... and at the end of the day, I would like to find someone whose values align, for the most part, with mine.

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It seems like single older people go to either extreme. They get pickier, or they get more "open-minded".

Sush, I just like to look at it as "You know what you want"

I'm the same way. I'm only interested in close relationships that enhance my life, as I hope to bring the same contribution. It's not only fair, but it's everyone's right to live that life that they want.

Yeah, I agree with Franz. It's not necessarily getting set in your ways, it's knowing what you want out of life and relationships. I'm only 24, but I've dated lots of much older guys, and yeah, they were really decisive about what they wanted, and what they did not want. They were unafraid to take chances, and unafraid to give up when the relationship wasn't working out. I think that's a good thing actually. It means they weren't wasting time on something that wouldn't benefit them as much as maybe something else would. It's not being set in your ways, it's being decisive.

Although, you know, it's kinda funny, I sort of think I'm reaching the point of putting up with exponentially less bullshit. It's really wierd, and I kinda feel bad for Thak, but there are things he's probably done all his life, and I know for a fact that he's done for the entirety of our relationship, and I've put up with these things for years, but now they just grate my nerves, and I call him out on them all the time. I feel bad for him in a way. I think I'm becoming more decisive, and poor Thak is taking the brunt of it.

He's worth it.