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AznLover 28 and overDiscussions by members aged 28 and over.
As we grow older, we learn to recognize and break them. They are sometimes easier to recognize than brake!
Mine seems to be men going through hard times or men with self-esteem issues and emotionnally unattainable. At first, when they are at a low point or not so well in their skin, my strenght seems to be an asset. After a while, it becomes a liability.
Meh... I may have savior complex.
What is your pattern?
EVERYTHING begins with a good de-pantsing! Sunny, June 20th '08
I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant!!Gordon Ramsay, Kitchen Nightmares
I always seem to meet women with a saviour complex who just happen to show up when my self-esteem has taken a battering and I've completely withdrawn into my psychic fortress of solitude.
At first, their strength helps me through my misery, but then, after a little while, it becomes a liability and I end up breaking up with them, which then tailspins into a familiar collage of regret, rejection and depression. And then another messianic chick shows up...
Wherever you go, there you are. - Old Mayan Proverb
LOL Bergie, meet Zen. I trust you two will hit it off. LOL I'm kidding, I'm kidding...
Anyhow, when I was dating, it seems I had a bit of the savior complex myself. I tended to always go for the guys who were somehow unhappy, and they wanted someone to make it all better. I guess that's kinda what it was like with Thak, too. He was not in the best of places in his life when we got together, and I did rescue him in many regards. Luckily it's worked out well for us.
Otherwise, when I wasn't dating guys who wanted a savior or a mommy, I was usually dating guys who I perceived as way better than me in some regard. They were always either far better looking than I am (hello, Cocaine addicted J. Crew model...) or far more successful (I have had a thing for chemists, physicists, and engineers for as long as I can remember), and usually much older. I guess for whatever reason, always being the "smart kid" and the more intelligent person in my relationships, and having guys break up with me because they were intimidated (happened more than I care to admit) I wanted someone I could look up to. Again, this is also Thak in some regards. He out ranks me, and I did take orders from him. He's better than me in military matters. I suppose this patern still stands as well...
As we grow older, we learn to recognize and break them. They are sometimes easier to recognize than brake!
Mine seems to be men going through hard times or men with self-esteem issues and emotionnally unattainable. At first, when they are at a low point or not so well in their skin, my strenght seems to be an asset. After a while, it becomes a liability.
Meh... I may have savior complex.
What is your pattern?
i think this savior complex comes from a natural tendency to be a paternal or maternal figure. i know i'd suffered from it throughout my 20's up until i'd turned 30.
there's an excerpt from a book i have posted on my blog, which i'm sure you've read. i'll post it here again 'cause i think it rings true to this very subject.
"There are two kinds of men. The first is a politician. When a young child, he had watched his father abandon his mother. His mother then wanted him to be her husband. Now the politician wants to be daddy. As soon as he persuades a person he's daddy, he shits on him or her, then deserts the person. The politican, after all, does not want to be daddy.
The second kind of man is the kind whose father abandons his wife just as the man enters puberty. This wife, unable to accept or recover the loss, tries to render her son unable to leave her. Now the son loves to save people, especially women. As soon as a female accepts his offer, he believes that she's putting a contract out on him and walks away. This man is an artist.
The politician had overdeveloped his heart; the artist, his mind."
excerpt from A Young Girl by Kathy Acker
for a long time i was torn between these two descriptions of men, although my father never abandoned us, i was still very much one of these guys depending on the girl i was with.
nowadays the idea of saving a woman, although still tempting, represents a lot of energy and time, neither of which i've much to spare these days.
