I wanted to ask everyone here if they have experienced a similar thing to what I did just an hour or so ago. Basically, have you found that as you have gotten older, and therefore more mature, that you find yourself less and less prone to jealousy or coveting what your friends may have? I'll explain what made me think of this.

As many of you may know, one of my very best friends in the entire world has just gotten stationed here. As others of you may know, I do not care one bit for this guy's wife. Well, the way military housing works is that regardless of rank, you will pay your entire housing allowance for a house of the size you are allowed, which is determined by how many kids you have. Well, my friend has several stepkids, so he is authorized a MUCH bigger house than Thak and I.

Well, I am not the least bit jealous about my friend receiving a big house. He is a great guy, hardworking, a combat vet (Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient), and well, he just deserves the best the world has to offer him for how hard he's worked in the 26 years he's been alive and for what a genuinely good person he is. His wife on the other hand, is very lazy and self-entitled, and all I've heard all week long is "she wants this" "she wants that" "she wants the brand new housing" and that sort of thing. I finally told him that the Army doesn't care what she wants, and I don't either. Yes, I know that was harsh, but lucky for me, he let it slide.

Well, today, he got the list of available houses, and was told to go around and make his wish list of ones to be assigned to. Well, he doesn't know his way around this post yet, so I told him I would come with him and help him to find all the various ones since he only had his lunch break to do this in. Well, the available houses were not in the newest area, but they were all in the area I have been wanting to live in ever since I got to this post, but we don't have enough kids to be authorized a house that size. I thought I would be very jealous to be looking at the very houses I had wanted for so long with the knowledge that a person I don't even like at all (his wife) would be benefiting from this.

I was suprised, though. As we drove around, peered in windows, talked to neighbors, and made notes on the list, I realized I was just as excited as my friend was about picking out the house! I realized that even when we were taking pics to message to his wife so she could have a say in the decision, that I wasn't at all jealous of them getting a better house than Thak and I even if by all standards, we deserve it every bit as much, and pay the exact same amount per month as they do, but get only half as much for it. I was not at all jealous of my friend's good fortune in the assignment process, and that really suprised me.

I know that if this had been two years ago, it would have made my blood boil to help someone, even a good friend, get something I wanted but could not have. Now, however, I am just happy for him that he's finally going to be able to have a place he can call home, and it's not in a bad neighborhood, it's not run down looking, it doesn't cost him a million dollars, and it's big enough for his family to be comfortable in it. He deserves the peace of mind of knowing that when his first child is born in a few months, he'll have a room for him/her. He deserves the peace of mind that his wife and kids will be in a safe place and he doesn't have to worry about their safety when he gets deployed. He deserves that.

I think before, the jealousy I had toward others was an immaturity thing. I am glad to be done with it. I've noticed that my life is much happier now that I do not let it affect me what other people have, even if I probably deserve the same things but for whatever reason, cannot have them. I am glad I have come to this point.

Similar realizations or stories, anybody?

He's worth it.

LOL TB, no, military houses aren't forever, but they are for as long as you're at a given post, and when you go to a new post, you'll probably get something comparable to what you had at the previous one, unless you've spawned again, then you get a bigger house even if you're at the same post. That's pretty much how it goes. It pays to reproduce, and for those of us with other priorities, we do get less for our money, but it's not like I can change that, which is why I no longer worry myself with it.

Front row seats in theatres? We don't have that here, but if we did, you could have mine since I seldom get to go anyhow!

You're absolutely right about having different long term goals. I agree with you very much that that's the right thing to focus on. That's precisely what I do, and the reason I am so academically minded. Physics is our ticket out of this lifestyle, and every good grade I make puts us one step closer to being in the place we need to be.

My friend's long term goals are to stay in the military for his career, and to be a Drill Sergeant eventually. When I think about it the way you put it, he and his family really should get the better things from the Army since they'll be here for the forseeable future. Thak and I are on the way out. It all makes perfect sense when I think of it that way.

EVERYTHING begins with a good de-pantsing! Sunny, June 20th '08

I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant!!Gordon Ramsay, Kitchen Nightmares

Bergie, that's a really good point, and it correlates so closely with all this. I think living within one's means does come of the loss of jealousy. For example, I drove a really nasty truck in high school, and I drive a pretty ugly car now (it was nice when I first bought it, but that was 5 years ago, and it was used then, so it's kinda old now) but the difference is that back in HS I was all embarassed about my truck and would have done anything to have something nicer. If someone would have financed me back then, I would have done it no matter how bad of a deal it was. Now, though, I absolutely could get a newer car, but it is not the financially responsible thing for me to do at this time, so I will drive my crappy car, and be happy that I have learned how to live within my means and not care what everyone else drives.

I'm glad you brought up this aspect of things. It's an important part of this topic.

As you get older, you learn to:

Change what you can
& accept what you can't.

And your compass becomes more internalized too. In other words, you benchmark your needs & wants with what YOU want, more than by what others have..

A monkey prefers a banana to an iPod.
Warning: Dumb people may find me offensive.

I concur with Bergie... definitely a great post.

I think it's due to age. When you're younger, you're more prone to being insecure and tend to covet more. Anything from relationships to shoes .... I don't know many "young" people that truly know who they are, there definitely are exceptions though.

As you get older and experience more, you settle into who you are, what you're capable of and what makes you happy. Where when you're younger, you think having a brand new car is going to make everything okay and then when the reality of it hits, you realize what a dumbfuck you were. That's just an example.

The addictive, out of control consumerism is crazy here in the states. A good indication of just how much we buy into this idea is that saying "He who dies with the most toys wins." There are so many layers feeding into this mass consumerism - credit cards, debt, commercials, media - that it's hard to imagine where you would start to try to rectify it.

But as I derail my own thinking... um, yes, I believe that when you get older, you tend to lose the jealousy and coveting. Unless you're a stupid wanker...

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars. ~ Khalil Gibran

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Mahatma Ghandi

I'm gonna echo what alot of the other posters here have already said, that I think once you have been out there in the world, I mean REALLY out there, and have really tasted what life with all it's highs and lows can bring, in alot of cases you begin to realize that true contentment lies with not how many material possesions one can afford, or what kind of car that one drives, or even what kind of home one lives in, but in being happy with yourself and who you are, and for some, in enjoying the time you have on this planet with those that you love and those that love you.

As we get older and experience different things, be they good or bad, we evolve in a sense and things that were once important to us no longer are...or at least not as much as they used to be.

Before I had my daughter, I use to dream of all the places in the world I wanted to travel too, and all the things I wanted to do, and my intention was to work on my writing, go back to school and finish my degree, and then travel around the world for a couple of years, footloose and fancy free as they say...but then I met my boyfriend, and then we had our daughter and although I admit there are times when I close my eyes and wonder where I'd be now if I hadn't become a mother, and I used to get a bit envious when I'd read stories in online forums I'd go to, about people that were traveling all around the world, meeting new people and having "adventures" while I was stuck in the house, feeding and diapering a newborn...but as my daughter got older (she's 17 months now), and I had alot of time to think, to REALLY think about my life, and where I was now, it hit me that I no longer felt horrible and sad that I couldn't jump on a plane and go somewhere at the drop of a hat, but I was happy and damn lucky that I had a healthy child, a guy who loves me, a good circle of friends that I could count on when the chips were down, and I still got some free time to write when my daughter sleeps

I still have quite a few goals for myself, and the things I'd like to accomplish, and I still intend on traveling internationally someday, once Mei (my daughter) is a little older, but for now things are good...

Sometimes you just realize that it can be better and infinitely more satisfying in the long run to learn to be content with what you have instead of lusting for what you don't have 24/7.