One interesting aspect of most Asian cultures is that group consensus rules the day. What society thinks, what parents, friends and neighbors think often seems crucial when a person makes decisions. When speaking about this I am talking about overseas experience.

For Asians born or raised in the US where independent thought & rights are valued more, how do you fare?
Do you find that you've been able to strike a balance?
For example with IR dating, this subject has been brought up countless times but are you willing to go against your parents wishes if they disapprove of your dating choices?

Ladies please feel free to contribute too, especially with specifics as I haven't given enough questions.

For example do your best friends have a huge influence over your decisions too?

Do you find that your parents and upbringing only occasionally or often holds you back and restricts you?

To me I think there's a fragile balance.

I love hearing all points of views and especially unorthodox ones as it's nice to see some sort of progress.

Regardless, I still without intentionally trying to hurt anyone or being selfish do my best to live by what feels right to me.

In that way, I was so stubborn that I left home when i was 15.

I tend to be fairly diplomatic but there are some decisions I have made & beliefs that I have that I will not compromise no matter who is trying to persuade me.

For me it is important to always be open minded to other view points especially from people with more experience, but one still has to be in touch with and listen to their own inner voice ~ if that makes any sense.

Although my parents, relatives & friends don't have much influence over me, my husband does.
I think it's a little different because we have a life together and everything each of us does affects the other & our family unit so to me it holds more influence & importance.

What about you?

EVERYTHING begins with a good de-pantsing! Sunny, June 20th '08

I wouldn't trust you to run a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant!!Gordon Ramsay, Kitchen Nightmares

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I've always surrounded myself with people whose opinions and wisdom I value.
I hope I also contribute same to their lives.

having been raised in england i used to think my individual thoughts is the only thing that i need....how wrong was i!

i realised that i had no authority in my earlier opinions. the teaching of parents and family were rooted in experience, although i didnt know it then.

what have i learnt form all this? well, lets just say i never would want to make big mistakes again....i will always seek external opinions, especially from those whos been there before.

this however, does not falter my confidence in doing what i truly and heartfully believe in. so external opinions in this instance will be ackowledged and used to combat resistence should i encounter any.

I think that for the most part, people who know me on a personal level know that while the majority will say potato, I will say tomato. I have always had strange, unique views, opinions, interests, and people have just come to accept that about me.

I have been made to feel guilty about some of my interests, or thoughts, but it doesn't get rid of them... I will probably think about them more and be more analytical, but then I will just come up with the root of the reason of why I felt a certain way to begin with... If anything, their disapproval will just give me more confirmation of why I'm content with my idea or decision

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Yeah, I feel you here, same goes for me.

It depends on who says something to me, how one says it and what.
If my dad only lifts his eyebrow, he would not get much stricter, it is very important for me to get what he is thinking and I would listen, because I think him really wise.
If other wise people tell me something I will listen and integrate their thoughts into my decisions if I agree to them.
If only an acquaintance or random stranger feels like commenting, I wouldn't give much except that person does have a very valid point.

But well, people can influence me negatively, if too much negative feedback comes I lose fun and interest in doing what I do, even if I think it right.
In one job I got mobbed out, even though the coworkers weren't competent in judging what I worked they would comment negatively all the time.
That pretty much took all my power because I had to defend every thing I did there. That influenced me in a very bad way, so to say.

Fare: It would depend on the person and their choice. My parent's asian traditional value was a big thing for me when I was younger. So was their christian views on life. I guess that is a double whammy for me... both good a bad. When I realize that how I view my up bringing was purely up to me, I took a lot of time to "Find" the real me that I'm comfortable with. That includes working out and accpeting the person I am, Asian in a western [Caucasian] society and looking at the positive side. This zen stuff takes time and patience...

Balance: It's a never ending to strive for balance...

IR Dating: If I had to get approval every time I speak to someone, I'll be working in a government department dealing with policies..... All parents wants to see their childern do well in life and that means guiding their kids to a certain point. However, if the childern don't learn though independence, they will never have any backbone.

My mom still treats me like her little son, that is what every parents do! But I've also proven to her that my decision is something which comes from her early guidience which means she has given me the best up bringing possible. It's now time for me to put what I've learn into practice and let her watch her boy grow to a man! That means if I choose to date with other races, she should respect that and I would consider her opinions and make an informed decision from there. I say that then give her a hug.......

case closed for me

Ice