I have a situation, and I wanted to poll to good folks of aznlover28+ about whether you honestly think I'm doing ok or if I did something wrong. Also any experiences from your life that you'd share relating to this sort of thing would help me a lot. Thanks so much in advance.

Here is my stupid situation:

My best friend from my school in Florida went active duty and got stationed here a few months ago. He asked us last weekend if we would help him move a dresser to his house since we have a truck. We said it shouldn't be a problem, but then basically 10 million things have come up in this week. Every time my friend has called us, we've been in Savannah or something. We've been so busy, and most nights, haven't gotten home before 10:00 pm. Well, obviously since we've had the week from hell, we haven't been able to move the dresser for my friend, but of course, if they asked today, we'd be able to find the time to do it, and I actually was thinking of offering, until I read my friend's wife's blog this morning. She said "I just wanted to say to Megan, sorry for the fact that we couldn't make the best use of you guys' vehicle last night, but at least I know when you and Mike give your word, you keep it." That was obviously directed at me since we said we'd probably be able to help, but haven't been able to. Apparently, saying "shouldn't be a problem. Get with Thak about that tomorrow." constitites giving my word...

I don't know, but I really think we're being used. These people slay me. They are always asking favors, and apparently think we're rich just because we're doing hella better than they are. The reason I think of that is because every time I ask them what they want for any given thing (wedding gift, baby gift) they're never registered anywhere, and they ALWAYS tell me something really expensive! I'm sorry, but I'm not buying them a brand new set of pots and pans till I get one for myself. I would have bought them something, but since all they asked me for was something I couldn't afford at the time, I got them nothing. The baby gift, I did a little differently. She asked me for "a few portable cribs, one for upstairs, one for downstairs, one for our bedroom, and one for travel." Um, those things cost over $100 each! I'm not spending $400+ on a baby shower gift, besides, one is enough for anybody. That's all Erin had, and we did just fine. I did get them a baby gift, though. It's nice, and I'd loved to have had it when Erin was little, but it probably won't be good enough for them....

So, short of telling my best friend to go and fuck himself, because I really think this has more to do with his wife than with him, what do I do in this situation? I don't understand how these people don't get that we're really busy, and 99% of the time, it's not that we don't want to help, it's that we have too much else going on, and the other 1% of the time, well, we'd like to spend that together. Is that so wrong? I did not enjoy the snarky blog entry implying that we're bad friends because we don't do enough for these people.

Let's compare. The things I've done for them in the past few months:
-Threw him a party welcoming him to Ft Stewart. Introduced him to a lot of people, so they have a group of good friends here.
-helped him get settled in to this post, fed him so he didn't have to eat in the chow hall, did his laundry so he wouldn't have to pay to do it, and all kinds of other crap.
-Taken him to find a house.
-Taken him to get a U-Haul truck.
-Found them a living room set for free, and stored it for a month till their house was ready to move into.
-Helped him move all their stuff into the house.
-Spent hours with him at the furniture store picking out shit for the new house.
-Took his wife out to the NCO academy 3 times. (which used a whole tank of gas.)
-Took her to the hospital and watched her demonseed children for 2 1/2 hours while she was being examined.
-and many other things.

The things they've done for us lately:
Nada.

Why do they expect shit from us ALL THE DAMN TIME?! I don't understand. Are they always going to think we're bad friends just because we don't jump when they say? I'm annoyed and confused by this situation.

He's worth it.

Hmmm, sounds known to me in a way.
First of all, that entry was prolly a rant because they were momentarily disappointed, as soon as you explain why you couln't do it maybe they will understand.
Do I get it right that HE is your friend and she is his spouse which you aren't originally befriended with?
I have to say that some of my male buddies pick women which I don't come along with.
It happened to me in the past that I avoided those ladies then, but told my buddies politely that "their girls were just not so much my taste".
Worked well mostly as long as I didn't bash those females furtherly.
For the gift expectations: are those demands coming from the fremale or from your buddy too?
In this case I would differ, that woman sounds plaiwardly GREEDY to me.
Certainly you won't give in, correct decision.
But I wouldn't be worried about the friendship with the guy as long as he doesn't demand the same?
FOUR CRIBS???
Hell, how spoiled is that bitch exactly???
I wouldn't give a flying fuck about such demands, that would be demanded FAR TOO MUCH, even if you were rich.

Lieber stehend sterben als kniend leben!


http://www.flickr.com/photos/lalense/

In true friendship there is sacrifice on both ends of the stick. If one end is chewed up more than the other then I would re-evaluate the sincerity of the relationship.

I am in a situation just like that actually. My "best friend" moved in with me so that she could save money to get her husband here from Morocco.Well when I asked her to help me by picking up Avishai from daycare she tells me gas costs to much and she wants to go work out so she can have that for herself and all we agreed on is that she would give me $400.00 a month to help with bills. Suffice to say it's just like I live alone with a leech so she needs to adios it on out in two weeks..

I am hurt and disappointed in her but deep down I should have expected it , when she gets internally focused on what she needs , if it doesn't fit her schedule then ur shit out of luck...

Like the old song says " I can do bad by myself , I don't need no help to starve to death"

[B][I]The shortest and surest way to live with honour in the world, is to be in reality what we would appear to be; and if we observe, we shall find, that all human virtues increase and strengthen themselves by the practice of them.[/I][/B]
Socrates

Dia dhuit,Slán go fóill Tá an leann uafásach:beerchug: :beerchug: :beerchug: :beerchug:

I'm out that boot camp click , I got my rifle and my rucksack...
MYSTIKAL

Was your best friend like this before his wife? You have to love the couple dynamics eh? Over the past few years I've learned that just as you can't choose your family, and you may get to choose your friends, but you don't really have much of a say when it comes to who they hook up with.

While it's entirely possible to keep up a relationship with him, by email or chatting on the phone or maybe just the two of you grabbing lunch on occassion, your uncomfortable relationship to his wife will inevitably put some distance between you guys over time.

Or you could just try and cut past all the passive aggressive behavior that you believe she is exhibiting on her blog and try to communicate to her about it in the similar manner that you have described with us here. You've obviously tried to understand her situation, perhaps a little more time needs to be taken in discussions between you and her (and not through your best friend) about how busy you and Thak were.

In regards to the gifts, it was good that you gave them a gift and you are in no way obligated to get them whatever they request given their expensive habits. Although it's a given that some people just have a disproportionate sense of entitlement, and there really is nothing you can do about that.

I'm sitting here right now waiting for two of my buddies and my brother to show up to help me move a huge wall unit, the old bed and some bookcases out of the old apartment. One of the buds and my bro have helped me in the past and I've helped them move more times than I can count over a ten year period. I'm giving the other friend my big huge fishtank, the stand and all the accessories. It's always been the unspoken rule between my friends that whoever helps a move gets beer and a meal. Friendship is always about balance, otherwise it won't last the long haul.

wow, soldier girl.

You did alot to help the guy already. I like your reference of her children as demonseed. hahaha

You have to refuse him this time. You aren't his maid for christsake. Tell him NOOOO. The captain said so !

Good call.

If he doesn't understand, you might tell him that "I think our friendship has come to an end. We should walk on different paths now". SG you are a nice girl: maybe too nice and that is why it is easy to exploit you Next time you talk to him, forget about being nice! Imagine you are a bad-tempered bitch or something when you talk to him again!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moomin

Honey-bunnyyyy...

Well, maybe she should talk to that woman though.
Seems like that dynamic which sam describes.