Okay,

so i moved out to china 2+ months ago from NYC where i was born and raised in that area. Growing up i've had my small share of racism and stereotypes but i also made some great friends. I've never had a problem with dating and mostly dated non asian girls (I was biased when i was younger... mainly dating non asian girls). I worked at decent companies and was overall a pretty well adjusted person. But something wasn't right.

Why is it that whenever I walk into bars/clubs/parties I immediately eye the room to count and see how many asians and /or minorities are at the place. It's basically a subconscious way of mentally preparing myself for awkward stares or comments as well as to guesstimate how open minded the people will be at the location.

did i not feel comfortable in my home (home being ny, usa)? Even though racism and prejudice is minimal in nyc (around me at least) I still was always aware and on guard. My friends would tell me i'm an idiot for thinking this way or that "you're in nyc, there's very little racism here man!". I really didn't go through too much ignorant shit but I still was always on guard...

Anyways, the older I got the more proud i became of being chinese. The more i had a desire to learn to speak the language better. The more i started to "allow" myself to be attracted to asian girls. I think one of the turning points in my life was a little after i graduated college, I met this very attractive chinese girl. I started flirting with her. It didn't take too long for her to say "you're attractive and all but, i don't date asian guys." At that point I was still pretty biased against asians so i replied with "haha i know what you mean... i am the same way... i don't date asian girls." But deep down inside, for the first time, it felt wrong saying that. That incident really made me think about who I am and how I was living my life. How can a person discount a potential mate/fuckbuddy/whatever just by race? Shit, i've been doing this all my life and that's fucked up. My point of view towards asian women changed in two ways after that point. One was pity towards those types of asian women that "don't date" asian guys. And two, there are lots of hotties out there!!!!

That incident helped me become eager to expand my horizons and realize the beauty that my culture has. I became proud to be who I was.

So, recently i had the opportunity to move to Shanghai, China... and i took it.

So now i'm here... 2 months later... and how do i feel?

It only takes one word: comfortable.

Comfortable in the sense that whereever I go... i don't do headcounts anymore. Comfortable in the sense that when i meet a "foreigner", i assume they are more open minded than the average person. Comfortable in the sense that it's like NYC in the "metropolitan" aspect, where you'll find all different people from all different cultures, all types of cuisines, etc etc... except that the majority is now Chinese. Comfortable in the sense that I feel at home.

I kinda got long winded there. Didn't want to write that much. Oh well...

I've seen asian american dudes like you before. You're on an asian kick. It happens to a lot of AA guys in their 20s. You feel like you need to discover your asian-ness. You start dating AFs and tell asian guys who are into caucasian girls that they're white-washed. Yes, you've written something to that effect in several of your posts. With all due respect the whole "discover my asian-ness" thing is bullshit. It's important to understand and appreciate your heritage but I bet deep down inside guys like you aren't comfortable with yourselves. So you have to take refuge in your asian-ness. To me you're like those young people who find religion. I had asian friends in college like that. They became evangelical christians. They tell you how much peace they have now that they're found the Lord, blah blah. Religion and "re-connect with asian-ness" crap are crutches, man. You don't need it.

You've never even met HowHow before, and now you act like you know him? It's clear from the tripe you've just written that it is YOU who is the ignorant one.

If you're an Asian guy and don't date Asian girls and FURTHERMORE need to denigrate them at every opportunity, that only makes you a Sellout Asian Manbitch. Good luck defending that indefensible position of ueber-lameness.

[quote=easylover;250941]I've seen asian american dudes like you before. You're on an asian kick. It happens to a lot of AA guys in their 20s. You feel like you need to discover your asian-ness.QUOTE]

I think it's important to realize, we all go through periods like HowHow's no matter what our ethnic background or what the subject is. It's a continuation of evolving that goes on for a person's lifetime. Will HowHow continue with his new found love of his people, or will he move on and hold this dear experience in his heart througout further experiences in life? Wherever his path leads him, he will be a better man for it.

And for once.....maybe twice......I agree with the Roguester.......

MSH

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
True love will withstand ignorant eyes...

Space, the final frontier.
These are the voyages
of the Starship Enterprise...

AFs are dissing you and you're defending them? Calling them hotties? WTF! You're being a sucker, man. She didn't think you were attractive. She was just saying that to be nice. Why do some of you dudes defend AFs? They don't defend you.

With regard to women just go for what you want.

Wow, I didn't come to that conclusion.

I was born and raised in the USA and studied mandarin and Mao during the Vietnam war, wrote short stories based on my father's description of his life, and finally went to Shanghai to study at the Shanghai Conservatory in the mid-1980s as an 30 year-old doctoral student in ethnomusicology.

And I remember waking up and walking out of the Conservatory my first morning there and feeling, exactly as he put it - comfortable. I blended in and acted and was treated like a Chinese citizen when I could, and was treated with all kinds of deference when I went back inside the Conservatory where I was a luxuesheng.

I think that is a profound discovery for a huaqiao and a good thing.

The subject of being attracted to people based on there racial or social heritage is another matter completely and not unique. It is all an illusion, because relationships transcend race and culture. They are alot more than skin deep and go beyond what we learned growing up - relationships are about where do we go from here.

Comfortable? Why? Because you're asian like the people around you? That's superficial. That feeling is also an illusion.

I agree with Easylover. Defending these self-loathing AAFs only earns more disrespect from these Asian Uncle Toms. They are most likely to spit on him more and call him spineless. HowHow should not have felt bad rebutting that AF's comment. I wish he added something like "I find WF/BF/LF more attractive than AF because " simply to add more fuel to the fire.

Some advices for HowHow on reconnecting to his Asian-ness. First, dating Asian women is not mandatory. If you want to date one, date those Asian women from Asia with positive outlook on Asian cultures, not those Anglolized AFs who are bitter towards themselves and the Asian community. You can also catch up on Chinese history, literature, and philosophy. Practice the culture, do some research on the local customs, or find out more about the lives of influential writers, poets and political activists.