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AznLover EuropeDiscussions about living, working, studying, visiting, or playing in Europe.
1. Your MAMA (mom) and TATA (dad) can't understand the concept of Turkey for anything else but Thanksgiving (so not at all ). For Christmas its JAGNJE or SVINJE (lamb or pork).
2. You're 100% positive that your country is most beautiful in the world, despite the fact that you've never crossed the border. (Yeah I did. And it's still the most beautiful country in the world dammit!)
3. As soon as you`re born, you are expert in three (3) disciplines: Politics, Medicine and Football managment
4. You're trying to convince people of purity of Croatian languange by using English.
5. You're always complaining about problems in your life, but you never had guts to do something about it, with overall excuse: "neću prljati ruke, ja sam fin, beÄ?ka Å¡kola." (I won't get my hands dirty, I'm refined, Viennese school)
6. Smoking any quantity or quality of grass at all is a natural hobby and you do it anywhere, anytime, with anyone (even the police, soldiers, and the President).
7. Riots start, led by the police.
8. All meals your MAMA (Mom) has ever prepared contain one key ingredient: "Vegeta" ('cause it is Croatian).
9. You learned to walk and talk the first time you got drunk.
10. You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (draught) (even in the middle of summer).
11. You're not allowed to leave the house with damp hair.
12. There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2-year supply of brandy.
13. The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian -> If Croatians are vulgar than Serbian or Bosnian are POPESCU of vulgarity.
14. English verbs are acceptable if used with the ending "-ati", which makes them Croatian: "play-ati", "study-ati", "fuck-ati"...
15. Your DIDA (granddad) mows the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals.
16. Your DIDA has a shot of RAKIJA (schnapps) for breakfast.
17. At least one family member makes his own wine.
18. At least one family member makes his own 150 proof moonshine (rakija/Å¡ljivovica).
19. Å*LJIVOVICA is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well.
20. LOZA is another type of RAKIJA, made from grape, and hers main power is to "correct" peoples mind and give super powers to people who drink it.
1. Your MAMA (mom) and TATA (dad) can't understand the concept of Turkey for anything else but Thanksgiving (so not at all ). For Christmas its JAGNJE or SVINJE (lamb or pork).
2. You're 100% positive that your country is most beautiful in the world, despite the fact that you've never crossed the border. (Yeah I did. And it's still the most beautiful country in the world dammit!)
3. As soon as you`re born, you are expert in three (3) disciplines: Politics, Medicine and Football managment
4. You're trying to convince people of purity of Croatian languange by using English.
5. You're always complaining about problems in your life, but you never had guts to do something about it, with overall excuse: "neću prljati ruke, ja sam fin, beÄ?ka Å¡kola." (I won't get my hands dirty, I'm refined, Viennese school)
6. Smoking any quantity or quality of grass at all is a natural hobby and you do it anywhere, anytime, with anyone (even the police, soldiers, and the President).
7. Riots start, led by the police.
8. All meals your MAMA (Mom) has ever prepared contain one key ingredient: "Vegeta" ('cause it is Croatian).
9. You learned to walk and talk the first time you got drunk.
10. You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (draught) (even in the middle of summer).
21. At the age of 13 you are only allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals, drinking binges, and dances.
22. Your parents were at the party where you got drunk. (True)
23. The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives; because you refer to their parents as TETA (aunt) and STRIKO (uncle). (Yeah, sounds familiar?)
24. KUHAÄŒE are not only used for stirring when cooking... they are also used by MAMA to beat you when there is no Å*IBA (twig) handy... (Never had the "Å¡iba" or "kuhaÄ?a" experiance))
25. When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings (regardless of age): PAZI Å*TA RADIÅ* (watch wut u'r doin), PAMET U GLAVU (sanity in your head), NEMOJ ME SRAMOTIT (don't disgrace me), NEMOJ DA JA Å*TA ÄŒUJEM (don't let me hear rumors)...
26. Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow MAMA will know before you make it home.
27. MAMA gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonald's, saying: "Å*TA ĆE TI TAJ JUNK!? (what you gonna do with that junk)
28. Your parents insist that you'll end up being nobody if you don't graduate from FAKULTET (faculty/ university).
29. Lunch on Sundays has more courses than AMERIKANCI (Americans) have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner.
30. You know that in addition to fruit flavored Jello, gelatin can also be prepared with pigs' feet and that's called HLADETINA. (EEEEEEEW I ALLWAYS HATED HLADETINA!)
51. At home you are only allowed to speak Croatian.
52. No one can pronounce your last name and every kid in the block has a nickname for it. (Yeah some of this is meant for Croats living outside Croatia)
53. Your parents still prefer buying cassettes to CD's.
54. A word such as 'kleber' needs to be put in spelling in front of you before you are able to understand what it means. The typical reaction would be: AH! klEBER! (emphasizing the E and the R, so it doesn't sound like the german KLEBA)
55. A Croatian wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you don't even know.
56. Your uncles argue about which words are Serbian and which are Croatian (even English words).
57. Your parents wouldn't buy a VCR because they thought it would ruin the TV.
58. Your parents wouldn't buy a microwave because it used radiation.
59. When a tourist approaches you and asks if something is OK, or is he allowed, your first response will be :NEMA PROBLEMA! (no problem) MOŽEÅ*! (of course you can).
61. You can't have a meal without bread/rice/pasta.
62. Your relatives alone can populate a small city.
63. You gossip about your own family... with your own family.
64. Everyone thinks that you're Italian or Greek.
65. Getting married is the only way to escape your parents.
66. You're still laughing your ass off because you know every single one of these are true. (Dammit!)
67. Upon reading this list you are showing it to other people who are not Croatian hoping they will, despite all the crappy truth, think that being Croatian is cool. (I'm found guilty)
). For Christmas its JAGNJE or SVINJE (lamb or pork).
