And now, for the skinny on real relationships, a la latin america...
Getting to know the Community
Now, given that most of the posts are more about perceptions, I'd like to post about actual experiences. Every single country has a different kind of dating culture, and each one is a little bit different. Now, I've dated extensively in two regions of the world, the USA, and in Latin America, and I'd like to bust a couple of stereotypes, especially about latin america. For some odd reason, and I don't even know where this came from, the stereotype of latinas in the US, is that they have a reputation as being looser in their mores than american women.
When I got to latin america, this was so far from the truth, it wasn't even funny. In fact, I'm not even sure where that reputation came from. For starters, in general, I've noticed that latina's are much more conservative than americans in many areas. A few examples are that cohabitation, is a sin, and it's not the norm. Children live with their parents until they get married. I've yet to see a latin american country where this wasn't the case.
Another, is that in general, even in the warm weather areas, latin women still tend to dress more conservatively than americans. I rarely saw latinas in revealing clothing, all up and down the Central American Coast, Colombia, Peru, Bolivia, etc. Even Brazil, which many people would like to equate with the ultimate of looseness, is a hell of a lot more conservative than the US. Unless of course the average american bases the entire image of Brazil on Rio De Janeiro, and they're just thinking about Ipanema, Copacabana, and other places, which I'm pretty sure is the case. That's like basing the entire image of the US on Las Vegas.
The conservativeness doesn't end there though. They are especially conservative, when it comes to dating. For a latina, in general, a date means relationship. There is no casual dating. Although you may think you're on a casual date, she's not, and here's why. If there's one thing I've noticed, it's that chaperoned dating is normal there. And, to make it even more interesting, the more beautiful the woman, the more likely you're going to have the first date with a parent.
When I first started dating my ex, our very first date was with... her mother in tow. We arranged to go see a movie together, and she never mentioned to me that she was bringing someone along. When she appeared with an older lady, I took it in stride, and of course, as the man, I gave them both the two tickets, and then I bought one for myself. In the theater, there was no touching, snuggling, cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and every look I made at my ex, her mother was examining me every moment. After the movie was over, I walked them back home, and had a good conversation with her mother. At the door, I met her older sister, who spoke english, and kept addressing me as, "brother in law." Like...
"Hello brother in law."
"Hello Helen."
"So, how was the movie, brother in law?"
"It was fine, thank you."
It was the first date, and I was already being addressed as brother in law!
Afterwards, her mother asked if I was going to be in town for a while. I said yes.
The second date, was to a wedding, now with her family, and her cousins. Same thing, no touching, snuggling, cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and every look I made to my ex, they were examining me every moment. After it was over, I walked them back home, had a good conversation, where they asked if I was going to be staying in Sucre (the city in Bolivia), for a while. I said of course.
The 3rd date, was to hang out in the plaza central, with her friends. Now, finally, I could hand hold, but there was no snuggling, no cuddling, and no kissing. Please note, we still didn't even have a first kiss, and it'd been 2 weeks. Whenever I looked at my ex, there they were, examining me, talking to me, and when it was over, I walked them back home, had a good conversation, and they also asked if I was going to stay in the city.
On the 4th date, my ex invited me over to see her uncles and aunts. Same deal, but no hand holding, no kissing, no snuggling, no cuddling. And yes, they were examining me. Afterwards, they also asked if I was going to stay.
On the 5th date, it's been a month, I went to her church group. Same thing, no hand holding, no kissing, no snuggling, no cuddling. By now, I was going absolutely stark, raving, mad with desire. You do not know how absolutely bonkers I was going, my hormones had been building for a month. But, I contained it. Afterwards, they also asked how long I was going to stay in the city. I said a while, and they smiled broadly. By the way, I'm buddhist, but I'm very open to other religions, and I have no problems with them.
So, on the 6th date, it was just us. And that's where, finally, we kissed. Apparently, I passed. Since it's so conservative down there, it was a few months before we even had sex, and yeah, premarital sex is a sin to them. By then, we were so deep into each other there was no escape. Oh yeah, and from day one, I was trying everything linguistically possible to speed it up. She also called me every day on the phone. And all during this time, the one thing that I really really noticed, was that she never dressed provocatively, but very elegantly. It was always long pants, and dress shirts, or a blouse, or an elegant top. But how she carried herself, spoke, and her manners, was so sexy, it burned a hole in my pants. That really took me in.
So, this is something to keep in mind with latin americans. They are anything but loose. Especially, especially, most especially if you meet a woman whose beauty and character are exceptional. And you want to know something? Compared to the relationships I've had in the US, honestly, the whole experience was immensely, and I mean immensely refreshing. Come to think of it, if I ever had a daughter, I'd educate her in it, and I'd do the same thing to the guy.
Comments are welcome.
http://www.myspace.com/davesnewadventure
