BlAsian -relationships between black women and Asian men
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Please get your minds out of the music video mindset, because if you don't you will miss out on a plethora of women who would love the chance to get at you.
Believe me I'm trying lol. I realize that all this bias is media contructed, which I think is already a big step. But at the same time, its alot stronger than I had imagined, its virtually ingrained into people... its like a form of malignant brain washing or something.
Hmm thats odd, given that Hawaii has a rep for being really racially mixed. I think tradition is another factor going against black women. I'm ashamed to say, that if I bought home a dark skinned girl, whether she be indian, muslim, or black, my family would probably mock me. And I'd be on the receiving end of jokes like, "how do you do it when the lights are off" blah blah type of comments. I personally think the whole post colonial era has messed up alot of peoples world views and perceptions. ALot of my cousins are encouraged to date white men, but never blacks. Alot of my extended family has never left asia, and I would stipulate that they have never encountered a real black person ever. Their only exposure to blacks is via the media. In which black women are regarded as cheaters and fat loud obnoxious women (jerry springer, maury etc etc) and their men are seen as players who sleep around, deal drugs, commit rapes and murders etc etc.
The ironic thing is black people as a whole have not done anything negative to asians. Yes, there are occasionally cases of blacks beating asians, killing, raping whatever. But that holds true for any group of people. If anyone has done negative acts to asians it would be white people, the colonization and exploitation of asia etc etc. Yet, due to their power and influence they were largely able to white wash their historic crimes. Hell, alot of asians buy into this, and sadly buy into the negative stereotypes portrayed of blacks by the media.
Anyways better stop before my rant goes on longer. But just as a disclaimer, I'm not saying asians should hate whites instead of blacks, clearly that would not solve anything. But I think alot of asians need to examine their bias through historic lens and realize that their beliefs of black ppl are largely media constructs.
Yeah, you see we have against us. And as 03 said, I am hoping that this site changes your perceptions a bit. Black women are in the same boat as Asian men are, with the same type of stereotypes places upon us, albiet on different ends of the spectrum. Please try your hardest to get out of that music video mindset. Black women do NOT act like that, although it is seen most often in the media. It makes me ashamed of my race sometimes when I see that shit.....
Hmm thats odd, given that Hawaii has a rep for being really racially mixed. I think tradition is another factor going against black women. I'm ashamed to say, that if I bought home a dark skinned girl, whether she be indian, muslim, or black, my family would probably mock me. And I'd be on the receiving end of jokes like, "how do you do it when the lights are off" blah blah type of comments. I personally think the whole post colonial era has messed up alot of peoples world views and perceptions. ALot of my cousins are encouraged to date white men, but never blacks. Alot of my extended family has never left asia, and I would stipulate that they have never encountered a real black person ever. Their only exposure to blacks is via the media. In which black women are regarded as cheaters and fat loud obnoxious women (jerry springer, maury etc etc) and their men are seen as players who sleep around, deal drugs, commit rapes and murders etc etc.
The ironic thing is black people as a whole have not done anything negative to asians. Yes, there are occasionally cases of blacks beating asians, killing, raping whatever. But that holds true for any group of people. If anyone has done negative acts to asians it would be white people, the colonization and exploitation of asia etc etc. Yet, due to their power and influence they were largely able to white wash their historic crimes. Hell, alot of asians buy into this, and sadly buy into the negative stereotypes portrayed of blacks by the media.
Anyways better stop before my rant goes on longer. But just as a disclaimer, I'm not saying asians should hate whites instead of blacks, clearly that would not solve anything. But I think alot of asians need to examine their bias through historic lens and realize that their beliefs of black ppl are largely media constructs.
A wonderful post! Kudos to you young man for having the mindset to at least not feed into that media crap.
I generally don't wade into relationship discussions, since I have been out of the dating scene for about 15+ years now, but this is a topic that I have some strong opinions about.
First, for those Asian guys who say that there is a lot of societal and cultural pressure to either date/marry Caucasian or not date/not marry Black, I can confirm, at least from my experience, that this is true, at least in the Chinese families that I have seen and the one into which I was born. The pressure comes from the older parents in particular, and even the most progressive parents will sadly hold, at least to a degree, some anti-Black sentiment that has been passed on from their parents, or from their peers and friends. I love a lot of things about my culture and heritage, but one thing that has grinded at me for years and years is the seemingly increased pre-occupation with appearance. Now, I know this is a great generalization, and by no means do Asians have exclusive rights on this issue, but I have found that it is definitely one that is in the forefront of the culture. Case in point - my little daughter, who is a little over two months old, has one ear slightly bent over since birth. My Mom has nauseatingly been trying to bend it back everytime she sees her - it's not enough that she has an absolutely adorable grand-daughter, but she focusses on such trivial and dumb things such as the shape of an ear. But this does not surprise me because many of her Asian friends seem to focus on these things, whereas very few non-Asians that I know have.
The local Asian malls all have cosmetic/skin/hair stores in greater frequency than its Caucasian mall counterparts. And older Asians, from my observation, watch a lot more TV than other other folks I know and seem to be equally, if not more, celebrity driven than the North American culture. Again, I am generalizing here, but if this is what I'm seeing, I am simply sharing my perceptions.
Which brings me several points (sorry it took me so long to get here). Because of the heavy influences of both Asian media and its high focus-points on looks and appearance (honestly, why do Asian girls bleach their hair blonde or ugly-orange? I don't get it...) coupled with feedback and social pressure from their friends for their children to "date their own race", kids of these parents feel immense pressure to please their parents in their choices. I see it in one of my former staff members at work - he's an Asian guy, only 20, used to belong to a violent street gang, and really enjoyed the violent aspect of belonging to a gang, until his parents found out and were very disappointed. The pressure of disappointing his parents caused him to leave the gang. What I am saying here is don't discount the presence of parental pressure on an Asian kid.
So without getting into all the reasons why Asian parents may not want their sons (again, remember that whether one likes it or not, sons are elevated on the offspring value scale) to date/marry a Black person, my experience has been that irrespective of the child's own fondness, love, attraction for a Black girl, they wrestle with the very real dilemma that they will disappoint their parents' expectations.
I really have an issue with the media - if one does not believe that racism is alive and well in 2008, you need not look further than media coverage of persons and how they spin stories. It is for this reason that I haven't watched trashy programs like Entertainment Tonight in over 20 years. Programs like that, and all the supermarket tabloid magazines simply indoctrinate people into different classes. Of course, the general consumer, being a sheepish robot, will simply glean the cover, see the latest Caucasian girl, usually either scantily clad or otherwise, and conclude that she is on the cover because of the way she looks. Over time, Asian parents will become more accepting or be more warmed to the fact that even though it may not be their preference is for their sons to not marry Caucasian, they can live with it, since the media seems to be telling them that this is how beauty is defined.
Most Asian guys (myself included) have had, at one point or another - usually during their youth, the (in my opinion, unfortunate) opportunity to be exposed to pornography. Here's another visual medium in which Caucasian girls are elevated, this time in the ways of sexual prowess.
Conversely, look at how the media portrays Black folks? If I didn't know any Black people in my lifetime, and spent my time watching TV and reading the newspapers, I'd be scared to death of Black people. And don't tell me that this negative portrayal of Black people is not intentional - like I said, I believe racism is still rampant nowadays, albeit on a more subtle scale. But notice the key to what I said above - if I were to simply trust the media to guide how I assess people (whether as friends, etc.), I'd be in a world of hurt. But as a guy who has really tried to avoid sensationalist no-point-to-the story media reports (ie. celebrity gossip), I have had an opportunity to meet lots of Black folks in my life, and one thing I can tell you, there is no one who I feel has experienced the same struggles of being an Asian male as a Black female. Especially nowadays where Black men have been increasingly well received by media, as well as Asian women. I don't need to rehash the oft-repeated fact that Asian males still have several societal stereotypes which continue to be propagated by the media, which is not unlike Black women, who have had the same negative stereotypes cast upon them.
When I was in elementary and high school, my mentality was as follows: I am going to date a White girl. And I am going to marry a White girl. I was not attracted to any other girls. Certainly not to Asian girls, due to my deliberate efforts of dis-association with my culture (thinking back, I hang my head in shame). And certainly not to Black girls (due subconsciously to the heavy social conditioning that I experienced in my household due to racially-motivated media projections). But interestingly enough, near the end of high school, the girls that I got to know very well as friends were almost all girls of colour. I really felt they understood me more than anyone else. And that helped me to really rethink my criteria for what I consider attractiveness compared to the societally-imposed standards, not to mention what qualities to look for in a friend. I started to erode the racial eyeglasses through which I analyzed everything in life.
In the end, I didn't end up marrying a White girl, even though I thought all along that I would. My wife is 1/2 French and 1/2 Aborginal (or Native Canadian/Native-American). I've been happily married for what will be ten years in July and we have two beautiful kids.
That being said, my point here is not to pressure you into thinking that something is wrong with you if you don't date/marry a Black person. But I'd challenge those who have dismissed Black women as mates, to think about the reasons behind your thinking. It's no different than I'd challenge Asian men to think about why they won't consider dating an Asian woman. If there is no interest or no attraction, that's fine - I mean, everybody makes their choices. But just like how we as Asian males growing up want people accept us for who we are, and not dismiss us for how we happen to look, let's afford the same courtesy to our sisters of different ethnicities and races.
Sorry this post is a bit disjointed, but it's late and my daughter is wailing in the background, so we had to tend to her...I hope the post makes some sense...
Last edited by Jerms of Endearment; 05-27-2008 at 09:17 PM.
That being said, my point here is not to pressure you into thinking that something is wrong with you if you don't date/marry a Black person. But I'd challenge those who have dismissed Black women as mates, to think about the reasons behind your thinking. It's no different than I'd challenge Asian men to think about why they won't consider dating an Asian woman. If there is no interest or no attraction, that's fine - I mean, everybody makes their choices. But just like how we as Asian males growing up want people accept us for who we are, and not dismiss us for how we happen to look, let's afford the same courtesy to our sisters of different ethnicities and races.
That's exactly how I feel. You are a breath of fresh (smart) air to this forum. Thanks for such wonderful insight.
That part that I bolded is something I wanted to push in one of my blogs. You really hit the nail on the head.
"I am American mentally with Japanese tendencies." - Lupe Fiasco
"Movies are fake." - Richard Walter, Professor and Screenwriting Faculty Chairman, UCLA
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Jerms is always spot on. He's a great voice of reason.
Great post.
What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health-care package and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank?
Mr January Happy New Year!!!
