Want to impress a girl? Women always say that a confident man turns them on, yet Asian men in general oftentimes have problems with confidence. What can be done?

I am an Asian American man living in the state of New York. I’ve been through all of grade school in the United States and earned my degree at Binghamton University. I know that Asian men in general are not as confident as white or black men living in the United States. Of course I’m stereotyping; there are a lot of very confident Asian men and a lot of very unconfident white and black men. However, I will go out on a limb to say that there are plenty of Asian men who need to be more self-confident. I’ve known a number of Asian men in my life, and a majority of them lack the confidence to ask an extremely hot girl out on a date. The reason for this phenomenon is the racial barrier and our minority status in the States. Asians don't exactly fit the mold of the American culture sometimes, and this break from the norm often causes Asian men to just hole up in their shells and stay within their comfort zone. Secretly, however, we all have a deep desire to break from the stereotypes and become the hunk-machines like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. Confidence in ourselves is really the key to our vision.

In the pages that follow I will break down some of the best tips to start improving your confidence and increasing your chances with the opposite sex. These tips come from personal experiences as well as research done by myself. My article will break down the two different types of confidence, how to acquire each type of confidence, and what you can do to increase your level of confidence.

Building Outer Confidence
The first type of confidence is what I call outer confidence. This type of confidence is only a projected confidence; what the opposite sex will notice at first glance. Sure you might be shaking inside, but outside you seem rock solid, and when you hit on her it seems like you are the most charismatic person she has ever met. Your appearance has a lot to do with your outer confidence. Nice clothes with a nice face/body. Keep your wardrobe nice and organized. Don’t wear the same clothes twice in the same day. Keep your shirts ironed and clean. If you are overweight then start shedding pounds or cutting back on your caloric intake. If you’re incredibly skinny, you might want to head to the gym or buy some weights. Either way, unless you’re already spectacularly ripped, getting a more muscular frame plus a six pack will help your outer confidence a lot. Keep your back from slouching as well, since this is one of the most unattractive traits that a man can have.


Personal hygiene is also very important. You’ll just be more nervous if you think "Wow I’m pretty sure I smell bad right now." Furthermore, if you’re noticeably sweating or dirty, it will cause you to be very self-conscious. When you feel that you look sharp and sexy, you're going to feel more confident in yourself. When you think you look bad, your confidence level will be just as bad.

Guys are quite lucky since we aren't required to be informed about fashion to look good, and our clothing doesn't go out of fashion in the next season. I obviously can't advise you how to dress since there are different fashions for businesswear to casual wear. You usually can't go wrong with brand name clothes, but you can look just as good with a regular t-shirt. Just make sure you wear something that you're comfortable in.

Your looks are only one half of the equation. The other half is your speech and body language. Mumbling, saying "umm" a lot, or not maintaining eye contact are signs of insecurity that girls will pick up on. I once had a friend who always looked away when he talked to me or other people. Not only does this show a lack of confidence, but it can piss some people off, male or female.

Your voice is one of the key instruments in showing off your confidence. Having a nicely paced, deep (but not exaggerated), and smooth voice is very sexy. Don’t speak too fast when you talk because you risk seeming nervous or saying something wrong. Have you noticed that when you speak in front of a group nervously, you tend to talk faster? Fast speech indicates a level of nervousness, so make sure you speak in a normal pace and moderate pitch.

If you have trouble holding conversation with beautiful women but not ordinary women, then you probably need to re-evaluate your mindset. Treat everyone as if they weren't gorgeous. Don't immediately place a woman on a pedestal because she looks like a model. Talk to her like you would talk to a friend or family member. Then when you get comfortable just talking like you have a completely platonic relationship, start actually trying to make her fall in love.

Always maintain eye contact when you are speaking with someone, but don’t turn it into a staring contest. Make sure you don’t seem like you are just staring at them. Use nods and facial gestures to seem like you are alive. Keeping a smile on your face also gives the impression that you are a very confident and nice person to be around. If you have trouble doing any of these, the only remedy is practice. Find a female, try to have a nice conversation, remind yourself if you are doing anything wrong, and then correct your mistakes on the next try. Another great way to improve your outer confidence is to visualize the future. You see a gorgeous girl on a table next to yours. Instead of trying to talk to her candidly, first visualize yourself going to her table, engaging in conversation, and having a fun time. Tell yourself that this is how you want to end up and think about what you could start saying. Some people can just start talking with no problem, but others need something to get them jumpstarted. Make sure you have your little jumpstart before you approach her.

Extra Tips for Outer Confidence
#1) Be brash – have a "just do it" attitude - You see a cute girl, don’t hesitate, just go for it. Once you see her get it ingrained in your mind that YOU WILL go up to her. Don’t ever think it’s not a good moment.

#2) Don’t be too serious - Don’t seem like a grumpy person or a loner. Make yourself look upbeat, positive, and fun to be around. This type of personality gets other people addicted to you, no matter their sex.

#3) Nice guys can still be confident - Just because everyone says nice guys finish last doesn’t mean it applies to Asians. Seriously, a good, loving relationship comes from two nice people. You can be confident without coming across as too cocky or arrogant.

By this point, you probably want to learn about the second type of confidence. Read the next page for more.
Building Inner Confidence
Inner confidence is not something you project, but it is something you feel inside. When you have inner confidence you feel brave enough to take risks; you aren’t afraid of the future. A synonym for this type of confidence could be self-esteem. This inner confidence is one of the main ingredients to help you in the dating game because after you grab her interest you need to start building on the relationship. This inner confidence is also the thing that prevents you from freaking out just because another guy is hitting on your woman.



This inner confidence is sort of like cockiness in away. You feel invincible, like the whole world is your playground. The keyword here is "feel," because obviously, if you display this type of confidence it can and will lead others to believe you to be arrogant and conceited. Inside, you can be as arrogant as you want to, but remember to stay humble on the outside and let your outer confidence take its course. But what use is inner confidence? Isn’t outer confidence all you really need? Well it’s true that outer confidence is necessary, however inner confidence is just as necessary. You’ve heard all about the pretty models that have problems with anorexia and body image. This is because their inner confidence is shattered. Sure they look gorgeous on the outside and seem to be able to keep any man whipped, but without inner confidence a person isn’t truly "confident." These same girls lose their relationships because they have a rocky inner foundation. The same rule applies for men. Sure you’ve got her initially interested with your outer confidence, but only through inner confidence can you make sure she stays interested.

Inner confidence also gives you an advantage in the relationship. If one side of the relationship feels that they have the upper hand, then the relationship becomes tipped in that person’s favor. Being confident prevents the power in the relationship from tipping over to the other side. Once it’s tipped to the other side, it becomes much easier for your girl to start losing interest in you. You’re no longer the exciting man she fell in love with, and you start seeming like a brotherly/friendly figure to her. The couple then breaks up and then you’ve just shattered your inner confidence even more.

Inner confidence is built by all the things you would expect. Getting compliments from someone, especially someone of the opposite sex is a great inner confidence booster. Doing activities that break your fears is another confidence booster. Go do something that seems horrifying. Bungee-jumping for instance. Or maybe getting two girls’ phone numbers in one night (ok immoral, but satisfying just the same). Getting applause from a crowd can also boost your confidence immensely. Perhaps you could pick up a hobby that requires performing on a stage such as doing magic tricks or playing an instrument. Talking also builds inner confidence. The more you talk the more you are comfortable with expressing yourself to others. Try talking to everyone you meet. Ask a lot of questions. Once you’re comfortable talking and initiating speech, it becomes easy for you to keep a girl interested and to avoid awkward long silences.

What to Avoid
There are also a few things that you should absolutely avoid, especially in the courting process.



1) Lying or being false – Don’t say that you liked something when you
absolutely hated it. Don’t pretend just for the sake of seeming cool or better. This is because when you feel an inner conflict you oftentimes will display a loss of confidence. You might get nervous that she finds out that you’ re lying. You might start mumbling to get words out. Girls do have a sixth sense and they CAN tell when you’re totally lying and they will punish you for it. Tell yourself in advance that you won’t lie to her.

2) Being cocky – Although I’ve already mentioned this, there’s a difference between exuding confidence and exuding cockiness. Just because you know how to brag about yourself doesn’t mean you are going to succeed in a relationship. Make sure you recognize when you’re being too confident to the point of cockiness.

3) Pick up lines – They sound good on paper, but they aren’t effective in real life. There are some rare times that a pick up line might actually work. These times are far and few between. Usually only a genuinely funny comedian can make these work, so unless you pride yourself in being a real comedian, then DON’T USE PICK-UP LINES.

4) Being too persistent - (Reference image above) If they say no, don’t keep bugging them. You’ll come across as desperate which will even lessen your chances. Instead, try perhaps altering your image a little bit, or toning up your body a bit. Wait a little bit and have a new approach BEFORE you try again.

Setting Yourself Goals
Now that you know the two types of confidences and how to build them, you need to start accomplishing your goals. One way to track your progress is by keeping a journal of your endeavors. Jot down anything you accomplished in that day. For example, one entry could be "finally got the nerve to talk to that girl who lives on my dorm floor" or it could be "gave my presentation to the whole class and felt great." After a while, you’ll realize that you are confident in almost every aspect of your life, and you can start writing articles like this.

Written by Steven Lin on December 19, 2007 - Source

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Wow is all I gotta say to this. She really does love AM's - http://proaznisalyingwh0re.blogspot.com/

Quote:

I’ve known a number of Asian men in my life, and a majority of them lack the confidence to ask an extremely hot girl out on a date.

As if other men don't have the same problem...

The article is okay, but it's fairly generic and not really geared towards Asian men. I've been through this confidence building (rebuilding, to be accurate) stage personally so I've read a lot of similar stuff (some better and work for me, some don't). There's nothing in the article that we don't already have on this site (and more + better) in the AoC section. The author seems to have a bizarre hang-up himself, like this:


WTF?

This is a bit of a strange article...It actually sounds like it could be written from any man 's perspective, in fact, let me rephrase that, from any american male's perspective, and not specifically asian. But then again, it's pretty revealing that the author should be asian.

Also, as a female who find asian men attractive, I'd like to point out that all the characteristics one sees in asian men are exactly what make them appealing, the smooth skin, the slender body, the beautiful dark thick hair and interesting face and somewhat graceful way they carry themselves while still managing to be totally virile.
The article (probabbly unconsciously) makes it sound like asian males have to overcome some kind of genetic drawback to compete with other races in the sex-appeal arena!

I imagine that the main problem is a lack of attractive asian male role models in the occidental (and american in particular) media. The article only refers to Depp and Pitt ( 2 attractive specimen of white manhood, i'll agree), but they are, ultimately white, so why emulate them if you're asian? I mean, I'm a white girl and at times feel that I may not always be as attractive to asian men as females of their own race but I'd never be able to look like one, so i hope that my own "caucasian appeal "will work. Or not. Self-depreciation is never gonna be attractive.

If asian male role models are lacking in US culture, why not try to find them somewhere else?film stars in asia, such as let's say, Daniel wu or Leon Lai(Chinese) or Jo in-sung or Lee byung Hun (Korean)are very handsome and versatile playing hard-edged cops/gangsters as well as family men or romantic leads. They are many of them to admire!

Oh, and another point, if you have to work twice as hard to get a "hot girl"whose gonna judge you on shallow characteristics, why bother? You can always find another one maybe a bit more open-minded.

Asian men should be proud to be asian. That should be the 1st step to self confidence.

By the way, i am aware that being a non-american white female, I may not be in the best position to give advice but consider I may give a more balanced "outsider's" opinion.

At the end of the day, each of us have to find their own way of feeling good, so good luck!

if you're gonna have one, have a big one!

three cheers to loulou for that response! you mentioned many points which I totally agree with. I agree especially with your point that it is the wrong approach to desire to look like Brad Pitt. As an asian american, sometimes I feel lucky that I didn't grow up with insecurity issues (I seriously didn't) when it came to my ethnicity. Not only have I always embraced my culture and was proud of it (without needing to broadcast the fact that I was), but I always embraced my physical characteristics. I grew up thinking I was not a bad looking guy, not the best looking for sure, but that I had my qualities. I'm just saying, I liked being asian, always have. I never wanted to change that. The only thing I grew up wanting to change, and still do, is others' perceptions of asians. I think it has to do whether your will is strong enough to withstand all the negative stimuli asian guys are pounded with since day 1.

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Vanilla rice, rice baby

What you think of yourself is one thing.

What you think others think of you is another thing.

What others actually think of you is yet another thing.

Of the three, you only have control of the first two.

"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. -Albert Einstein"

All that is necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.

He who dares wins.

all well and good, as long as you don't let 2 and 3 affect 1