Rawr. I'm a little annoyed with myself for having not donated to site costs/meet ups. While I don't use this site as much as I did when I joined, I've met some great people who I hope to have in my life for long time. That is reason enough to donate! But something always comes up.

Right now, it's Christmas. Christmas presents. Christmas/Secret Santa parties. Christmas dinner. Then after that, it will be New Years. And with my plans to go to the Bay, I need to have spending/gas money....

03elleinad

I feel like I've been all over the place for the past few weeks. There has just been so much going that related to me, to my best friend, to other friends. It can be hard, frustrating, and exhausting trying to focus on so many things at once. Added to that, I often stress about finances whenever a bill is due and every time I get paid.

Thankfully, I'm not miserable. I enjoy being busy, even if I don't relish being stressed about finances. Bottom line is, I've been able to pay all...

03elleinad

I'm feeling kind of out of sorts these days. I'm in this weird limbo where I can't go forward, but I definitely will not go backward. I'm comfortable w/where I am and how things are, but a small part of me still wants something more. Not quite sure of myself, my feelings, my thoughts - especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm holding back, even though I want more.

And I feel like I don't make sense at all.

There is so much going on, yet, not much going on....

03elleinad

CA Prop 8 - Same-sex marriage BANNED

I'm mostly disappointed about this. Although we all knew it would be neck and neck, I think it really sucks that there are so many hypocritical people out there. All this talk of protecting traditional marriage is utter bull shit. Older generations got and stayed married out of obligation, not out of love. And then there is infidelity, and a divorce rate over 50%. Let's not forget that these same people are allowed to wed more than once, twice,...

03elleinad

I could easily go into shock at this very moment. I think I have stumbled upon one of those rare, very rare creatures that we call a Real Man. They're like an endangered species. I should start from the beginning.

I've been attracted to one of my coworkers since almost the moment we met. He comes off as very quiet, but when you get him to open up and talk to you, he has a wicked sense of humor. And there is just something else about him, I still don't know what it is, that draws...

03elleinad

I've been kind of seeing this guy for the past month. On and off really as things have come up that prevented me from seeing him on a regular basis. But we've hung out, gone on a couple of dates. I slept with him. The whole time there was a part of me that knew, without any doubt, that this guy was not the one. This guy was not anything. I felt nothing for him emotionally. There was no connection. We just were. This wasn't the only strike on our "relationship." There were things about...

03elleinad

I've known my best friend since 7th grade. That's going on about 10 years now. For 4 and a half years of that friendship, we didn't live any where near each other. Now after both of us have graduated from college, we are living together.

We have a very interesting relationship from an outsiders point of view. On a regular basis we call each other bitch, whore, skank. Tell each other to kiss our asses. Then in the next moment its hun, baby, sweetie. We're 200% honest with each other,...

03elleinad

Save me. From working 7 days a week. From nights of fitful sleep. From thoughts of grandeur. From gas prices. From bills. From thoughts of someone I want but can't have. From feelings of loneliness. From feelings of inadequacy. Save me.

Save me.

Hold me close and keep me safe in your arms. Help me forget, just for a moment, about all the things I have to do and take care of. And the things that are in your power to fix, please fix them. Renew my will and strength to...

03elleinad

This week has been a culmination of massive...well, I don't exactly have the word for it. I can't say disappointment, although I've had some of those. It's just been one of those moments that makes me take a hard look at life, shake my head and sigh. Life is a hellcat, and there isn't much you can do about it. Except complain.


Dry Cleaners
I had my work clothes altered and cleaned. The bill came up to $47 bucks. I was annoyed, but had every intention of submitting it...

03elleinad

Sleep
I don't get it. Literally. Since I got back from LA last week, I've been getting the most shitty sleep. I'll go to bed and I'll sleep, but I also wake up maybe every hour and the gears in my mind get to moving for about five minutes before I can fall asleep again. I need solid sleep. I tried using one of those water fountain things. I took a sleeping pill. I tried going to bed earlier - at least this way I wasn't AS tired. Last night I took a bath with bath salts, bubbles, and candles....

03elleinad