I Don't Get It

Sleep
I don't get it. Literally. Since I got back from LA last week, I've been getting the most shitty sleep. I'll go to bed and I'll sleep, but I also wake up maybe every hour and the gears in my mind get to moving for about five minutes before I can fall asleep again. I need solid sleep. I tried using one of those water fountain things. I took a sleeping pill. I tried going to bed earlier - at least this way I wasn't AS tired. Last night I took a bath with bath salts, bubbles, and candles. After that I settled into bed with a book.

And got the same results.

I did get some successful sleep by sleeping on my back. However, whenever I sleep on my back, I tend to have nightmares. It almost never fails. Last night I dreamt of being held hostage at gunpoint by terrorist in a mall. Lovely, lovely.

All I want is a good nights sleep, damnit. What does a hard working girl got to do to get a good nights sleep!?


Ex's
My thoughts on ex's is that it is inevitable that you will think of them if you are single. No matter what anyone says, humans do not like to be alone. We like having a companion to share our lives with. It's my belief that when you're single and lonely, your mind goes back to the previous ex. So you get to thinking about the good times, wondering what that person is doing, fantasizing about that person going out of their way to win you back. In the back of your mind, you know it will never happen and pray that if it does you'd be smart enough not to take that person back.

Unless of course you're one of the few who honestly wants this to happen. Or you're the one going out of your way to win him/her back.

I know someone who is reading this and is thinking "this is about me." Yes and no. Unfortunately, you're not the only idiot out there. My best friend and roommate just left to go have breakfast with her ex. Her ex who cheated on her with a close friend, who reacted with jealously to any male friends/coworkers, who didn't want her to come see me when I got back from Japan, who got drunk and put a bruise on her arm, who has been given many chances but still fucked up each one.

It amazes me that she can put all that pain behind her, that anyone could put that pain behind them. That overwhelming pain that consumed every piece of the heart and every thought of every second. Thankfully, she doesn't want him back, but seeing him is just as bad. This friendship she's pursuing with him is, in my opinion, granting him forgiveness for all the pain he's caused her. She won't come out and say that, but actions speak louder than words.

If you want your ex back in your life, the person who's hurt you more than anyone else in the world has, you're forgiving them. You're saying "it's okay that you hurt me, lets just continue on about our lives." A lesser person will go along with it. A person with potential to have a good heart will have reservations.

But whatever. Those are just my thoughts. I'm not going to tell my friend not to go. She knows how I feel about him, and she's not obligated to listen to what I say. She needs to make her own mistakes, if that is indeed what they are. I let her do what she wants to do - I can't teach her a lesson she has to learn on her own.