Take one dose a day and you'll get to know me better.
Another Mistake/Lesson
Posted 09-26-2008 at 01:58 AM by 03elleinad
I've been kind of seeing this guy for the past month. On and off really as things have come up that prevented me from seeing him on a regular basis. But we've hung out, gone on a couple of dates. I slept with him. The whole time there was a part of me that knew, without any doubt, that this guy was not the one. This guy was not anything. I felt nothing for him emotionally. There was no connection. We just were. This wasn't the only strike on our "relationship." There were things about him and his lifestyle that I didn't like, but overlooked. In essence I guess it all comes down to the simple fact that we are incompatible.
I've had several people tell me just to let it go, to not talk to him. I've been half successful. I deleted his number, I didn't make it a point to call/text him when I did have it. Cutting him out of my life would be fairly easy. He wasn't trying to be a serious part of it anyway. I had hoped that we could, at the very least, be fuck buddies, but I don't even have a desire for that. So really, there is nothing left for us other than friendship.
Yet I went to see Ning tonight.
He recently moved into a new place. I hung out with him and his neighbors. It ended up being a couple, another guy, me, and Ning. The girl is excited about another female in the midst, and drunk enough not to have any inhibitions in approaching me. We talk no less than 20 minutes before she goes on about how much she loves me. Then another 20 minutes past and she's telling me that she can tell I've got a very goal-oriented personality and shouldn't be wasting my time/settling with Ning. Yes, yes. A part of me already suspected this, but to have a complete stranger point this out was interesting. She had spent time with him previous to this night so she had a better feel for his personality than most people I talk to, but I was still amazed that she could so quickly deduce that we were incompatible.
And so here I am at home, accepting now without a doubt that I'm done with Ning. It wasn't just this girl's drunken observation, but also another night with him that proved that I feel nothing for this guy. I've continued to see him thinking that if I get to know him better, I might eventually feel something for him. Yet, as I said, deep down I already knew that I would never feel anything for him.
Still I can't help but wonder if something is wrong with me.
I have so very much to give, and I am more than ready to give it. I want someone to talk to about the mundane as well as worldly phenomenon. I want someone who is patient with or willing to explore my hobbies, and who is patient with or willing to show me their own, even if neither of us is initially interested in each other's hobbies. I want someone who will make me smile the moment I hear his voice, and someone who will smile he hears mine. I want someone who will consent, every now and then, to letting me dote on them. I want someone who will accept me as I am.
Sometimes I feel like these wants are so simple, but clearly they are too much since I can find no one. And with so much to give and so much desire to give it, why is it so difficult for me to feel sometimes? Why didn't I feel anything for Ning? Why, when I do give and feel, does the entire situation fall apart and leave me feeling hollow inside? I suppose with this mistake I learned to put more trust in my instincts. Yet, I know that this too can get me in trouble. Where is the happy medium? How do I learn not to give so much and demand just as much from someone I have feelings for? Why does that sound like I'd be settling for something less than I believe I deserve?
Why is life full of so many questions and so few answers?
I've had several people tell me just to let it go, to not talk to him. I've been half successful. I deleted his number, I didn't make it a point to call/text him when I did have it. Cutting him out of my life would be fairly easy. He wasn't trying to be a serious part of it anyway. I had hoped that we could, at the very least, be fuck buddies, but I don't even have a desire for that. So really, there is nothing left for us other than friendship.
Yet I went to see Ning tonight.
He recently moved into a new place. I hung out with him and his neighbors. It ended up being a couple, another guy, me, and Ning. The girl is excited about another female in the midst, and drunk enough not to have any inhibitions in approaching me. We talk no less than 20 minutes before she goes on about how much she loves me. Then another 20 minutes past and she's telling me that she can tell I've got a very goal-oriented personality and shouldn't be wasting my time/settling with Ning. Yes, yes. A part of me already suspected this, but to have a complete stranger point this out was interesting. She had spent time with him previous to this night so she had a better feel for his personality than most people I talk to, but I was still amazed that she could so quickly deduce that we were incompatible.
And so here I am at home, accepting now without a doubt that I'm done with Ning. It wasn't just this girl's drunken observation, but also another night with him that proved that I feel nothing for this guy. I've continued to see him thinking that if I get to know him better, I might eventually feel something for him. Yet, as I said, deep down I already knew that I would never feel anything for him.
Still I can't help but wonder if something is wrong with me.
I have so very much to give, and I am more than ready to give it. I want someone to talk to about the mundane as well as worldly phenomenon. I want someone who is patient with or willing to explore my hobbies, and who is patient with or willing to show me their own, even if neither of us is initially interested in each other's hobbies. I want someone who will make me smile the moment I hear his voice, and someone who will smile he hears mine. I want someone who will consent, every now and then, to letting me dote on them. I want someone who will accept me as I am.
Sometimes I feel like these wants are so simple, but clearly they are too much since I can find no one. And with so much to give and so much desire to give it, why is it so difficult for me to feel sometimes? Why didn't I feel anything for Ning? Why, when I do give and feel, does the entire situation fall apart and leave me feeling hollow inside? I suppose with this mistake I learned to put more trust in my instincts. Yet, I know that this too can get me in trouble. Where is the happy medium? How do I learn not to give so much and demand just as much from someone I have feelings for? Why does that sound like I'd be settling for something less than I believe I deserve?
Why is life full of so many questions and so few answers?
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Yea.....I really don't know why life is so full of questions and produces so few answers....I have no clue.....
What I can say is that, just follow your gut and maybe be more hesitant to open up your big heart. I am no doc but heyy....just save your lovin and you will find that one that peaks your interest and defitenly can keeps your interest.....Good luck and also stay strong and don't let life jade you
Posted 09-26-2008 at 03:38 AM by Chocoberrysrtcake
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I'm gonna tell you from experience cause I've been through the same thing. End it!!!! For all that's good in the world just cut off the dead arm already. You will, inevitably, regret the amount of time and effort you put forth trying to fix, bond, understand the relationship. You can be out finding someone who is 10x more compatible. Never EVER settle for less than what you deserve!!!! It'll make you miserable to death and you may end up doing things that hurt the other person when they could have been avoided. Lessons are to be learned but some are better off never happening to begin with. That's my 2 cents. Good luck!Posted 09-26-2008 at 07:38 AM by AkuHimeNoir
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Hey,
Listen to your heart...or that instinct that says "this isn't going to work" cuz that is usually right.
The last thing you want is be connected to the wrong person when you happen to meet the RIGHT guy!
As for you, there is nothing wrong with having goals and desires. Keep working toward them and you will be further along in your accomplishements when you meet "the one."!Posted 09-26-2008 at 05:39 PM by Kristina
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There is someone out there like that for you. Just be patient. I have finally found someone like that for me! It can happen!Posted 09-26-2008 at 06:48 PM by loraleena
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Awww Dani! You are one of the most lovable girls that I know! There is nothing wrong with you and you weren't asking too much... but you already know that deep down!
The thing with chemistry is that you can't create or develope it. You either HAVE chemistry with someone or you don't. A bond can be developed over time but if there is nothing there to work with, why bother? All it will do is frustrate you. You already know he's not the one for you. You will find "him" eventually
Everyone deserves to be happy and if you end things now with Ning it may give him, as well as yourself, a chance at that with someone else.
You can always feel free to call me if you need someone to vent at. *hugs*Posted 09-27-2008 at 12:45 PM by Lilah_Luvv
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Thanks ladies. I loves ya!Posted 09-27-2008 at 08:14 PM by 03elleinad
