I feel like I've been all over the place for the past few weeks. There has just been so much going that related to me, to my best friend, to other friends. It can be hard, frustrating, and exhausting trying to focus on so many things at once. Added to that, I often stress about finances whenever a bill is due and every time I get paid.

Thankfully, I'm not miserable. I enjoy being busy, even if I don't relish being stressed about finances. Bottom line is, I've been able to pay all...

03elleinad

I'm feeling kind of out of sorts these days. I'm in this weird limbo where I can't go forward, but I definitely will not go backward. I'm comfortable w/where I am and how things are, but a small part of me still wants something more. Not quite sure of myself, my feelings, my thoughts - especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm holding back, even though I want more.

And I feel like I don't make sense at all.

There is so much going on, yet, not much going on....

03elleinad

I could easily go into shock at this very moment. I think I have stumbled upon one of those rare, very rare creatures that we call a Real Man. They're like an endangered species. I should start from the beginning.

I've been attracted to one of my coworkers since almost the moment we met. He comes off as very quiet, but when you get him to open up and talk to you, he has a wicked sense of humor. And there is just something else about him, I still don't know what it is, that draws...

03elleinad

I've been kind of seeing this guy for the past month. On and off really as things have come up that prevented me from seeing him on a regular basis. But we've hung out, gone on a couple of dates. I slept with him. The whole time there was a part of me that knew, without any doubt, that this guy was not the one. This guy was not anything. I felt nothing for him emotionally. There was no connection. We just were. This wasn't the only strike on our "relationship." There were things about...

03elleinad

Save me. From working 7 days a week. From nights of fitful sleep. From thoughts of grandeur. From gas prices. From bills. From thoughts of someone I want but can't have. From feelings of loneliness. From feelings of inadequacy. Save me.

Save me.

Hold me close and keep me safe in your arms. Help me forget, just for a moment, about all the things I have to do and take care of. And the things that are in your power to fix, please fix them. Renew my will and strength to...

03elleinad

It seems that once I get going, I not only go, I take on a whole hell of a lot. I went from being jobless with way too much time on my hands, to having two jobs and wondering where the time goes. Just today alone, I woke up at 6:30 AM. It's not 11 PM and my day is just now ending. I worked at the gym from 8AM-12PM, then went to the airport 1-6PM. After that, I went to my mom's house and changed clothes. Since about 6:30, I've been hanging out at my uncle's for a family gathering.

...

03elleinad

TSA, Sacramento Airport
So I did end up taking the job at TSA because the restaurant job fell through. They just took to long getting back to me, and no amount of calling them was enough. But all has worked out. I'm actually enjoying myself. It's not easy work, and I have to be ready for anything and everything at the drop of a dime.

I had my first angry passenger. She got all pissy because I had to check her bag. Well, thats what she gets for bringing liquids larger than 3.4oz...

03elleinad

A daily record, usually private, esp. of the writer's own experiences, observations, feelings, attitudes, etc. - dictionary.com

I laugh at that word "daily". There is nothing daily about my diary. I have a very good habit of forgetting I have a diary until I've got some traumatic/dramatic/emotional something to write about. If you're thinking I wrote in my diary recently, you're correct. If that leads you to assume that something happened that falls in one of those three...

03elleinad

Today was one of those rare days where I'm struck by just how awesome Sacramento really is, and why I will forever be glad that I grew up here. Some will say Sac is boring, but I think that's another way of saying you're a boring person. You can have fun anywhere you go if you're with the right people and in the right state of mind. And I'm not sure of, nor do I care about, the other millions of complaints people have.

I love this place.

I went to work today at Gold's...

03elleinad

I don't know how many of you read my previous blog, but today's blog is kind of an update on that.

I worked again today and I half expected to see the Japanese kids/mother again today. They did come in, but I think the kids went up to the children's class right as the other kids left so she left then. I didn't get to talk to her before hand. When class was over, she came back in and started talking to me.

In my nervousness I forgot to ask the mother her name. I kind...

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