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I'm gonna be homeless! yay!

Posted 12-02-2008 at 05:34 PM by brwnsuga0407

wow. I'm like 2 seconds away from being kicked out of the house.

so yea.. I live wit my dad.. because I moved back home from miami..and needed a place to live.

me and pops have been butting heads.. he says im mean.. i say he's mean.

seriously tho.. the only reason why he thinks that.. is because now.. im 24.. not 12.. and I dont bite my tongue. . . if i dont agree with something.. or if he gets smart with me.. I say something back.

I always tell him.. you have to give respect to get respect. he told my mom that when I said that.. he wanted to smack the shit out of me. HE thinks he can talk to me ANY kind of way he wants to.. because i'm his child. I think that you dont talk down to people, or hurt peoples feelings... just because they are your child.

so today. this is what went down. please tell me if i'm wrong...and if i am.. i will glady go back to my dad and apologize.

so he says to me.. are you going out tonight? I say yes.. he says.. can you wait to leave until your brother gets home... I say.. yea..if he's back before 9 ish. . he says.. it may be a lil after that.. can you tell your ride to wait? I say.. no, I dont know the person who is picking me up. (the person i am hanging out with does not have a car and is getting a ride from a friend.. hence..me not knowing the person picking me up)

so he then says.... wtf you cant ask them to wait a lil bit? and I say.. ummm no.. i dont know them like that.. im on their time.. not mine. he gets soooo pissed.. and im like.. cam (my brother) has a key to the house... use it... thats what its for .. .correct?

he starts yelling at me.. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS SHIT.. YOU ARE NOT RIGHT! YOU ARE NOT RIGHT! he keeps saying that over and over.. while im yelling.. HOW CAN I ASK SOMEONE TO STAY AND WAIT FOR MY LIL BROTHER ...WHO HAS A KEY TO THE HOUSE.. TO GET HOME.. WHEN I DONT KNOW THE PERSON...AND THEY PROLLY HAVE SHIT TO DO THEMSELVES??

he keeps yelling. and slams the door as he leaves the house. he then calls me.. and says.. dont ask me to help you out.. dont ask me for shit. find a ride to work, and when you go look at that car.. find someone to take up there.. if u need stuff..find someone to take you to get it.. etc etc..

I text him saying.. yea, ur smart dad... the boy has a key..and i bet you he will be back before i even leave...dont get mad at me..because i cant ask someone I DONT KNOW.. to wait around..

he texts back.. .what the fuck ever.. im your father some some person on the street... you need to do what i ask..so drop that bullshit

i text him.. .sooooo that basically means dont leave the house.. because he doesnt have a key.. understood. (that was my sarcasm.. cuz he does have a key)

he then texts... no it means.. dont ask me for shit.. i dont believe you.. u do this shit all the time

i text back... umm why is this an issue? he has a key no? i have plans yes? soooo whats the problem?

no answer.. becuz he is at work.

he's basically saying.. you're on your own.

OK.. this would be fine....if I had my own car. but, I dont. i was going to go look at some tomorrow.. but now, he's basically saying..he's not taking me.

so i'm screwed.

I dont know anyone in Maryland...to help me. im not close friends with anyone..so wtf am I going to do?

my dad wants me out the house....and its only a matter of time before he just throws me out.

am I wrong for saying what I said? if the boy had no way to get in the house... i would stay. but, he has a key. wtf is the problem? im 24 .. i can go and leave as I please... i dont need permission.. i dont need to wait around for him. if i have plans.. I have fucking plans.

I just dont know what to do anymore.. if its not one thing....its another.

I kinda hate life right now.

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Comments

1. I'm going to answer as a bystander who has experience dealing with families in a counseling setting. Keep in mind that we don't deal with children over the age of 18 in a family, so they aren't adults but a traditional parent/child relationship. One thing you didn't mention is how old your brother is. If he's young, I understand (as a parent) wanting someone there to make sure he gets home okay - whether or not he has a key. If he was young, asking you to help by doing this, since you are living there, wasn't inappropriate - everyone in a house/family has to work together to make things run smoothly. If he's only a couple years younger than you, I don't see a need, unless maybe he has a habit of coming home drunk or on drugs or some other thing that could affect his safety. (Then again going too far along that line turns into enabling.) I also understand that it's not easy to change plans at the last minute, and expecting you to do so with no notice to the people picking you up wasn't the most considerate move. You would hope that parents want their children to be considerate to others. The way the communication happened - on both sides - wasn't healthy (being straight with you here chica). Communication between family members, especially those who are in close daily proximity, can be daunting at best. As much training as I have had and still get every year, I still don't get it right - we're all human. One thing important to remember is that most parents tend to always seem to treat their children much the same way as when they were children - whether you're 24 or 40. Children also tend to easily slip back into their childhood roles when they return home as adults. In my book, parents - because they are the parent and have more life experience - have a higher responsibility for ... acting like the adult. He could have made a choice to respond in a less negative manner. Then again, your messages probably could have been more positive too. We all have that split second between action and reaction in which we can make a choice - and that choice can change the complete dynamics of a situation. In other words, even if he's being an ass, your reaction could have changed the situation (although sometimes this kind of "retraining" the other person through your reactions takes a lot of time). Having said all of that, I understand your frustration completely. You're used to being an adult ... your dad is used to the role where children obey. I know that your situation isn't an easy place to be in. Just remember this too shall pass ... and worst case if your dad asks you to leave and you have to go out and do it all on your own, you are a capable woman and will be more than able to, and as you do you will feel proud of yourself that you did. However, I'm betting dad cools off and that doesn't come to pass. Hang in there

   Posted 12-02-2008 at 06:00 PM by tigerlilly5

2. I hate to say this but: - Yes you are 24, but your living at home (and most likely not paying rent). - Your father has the right to ask you for simple favors like waiting for your brother since he is offering your the simple favor of giving you a roof over your head. If you had a friend staying with you, and you asked for a simple favor they could oblige and they denied you, you'd be pretty irritated. Sometimes we make sacrifices and changes for family, because we are family - and adults. I've been in this situation, if you don't like it, make changes! Move out, buy a car, make proactive choices for your future and rely less on others. I know its not as simple and easy as that, but actually it is. You can do it girl. If you don't want others input, put yourself in a position where you don't have to hear it

   Posted 12-02-2008 at 06:08 PM by CinthebigD

3. its half and half. he thinks cause its his house and he made u he can say what u want and think u will jump on it.. but thats his wrong right there.. because u are right he has a key why do u need to wait on him..u have plans and u dont know the person who is picking u up. i know shit happens but something like this should not have blew up like that cause its simple. i would side with u not cause i think ur sexy lil muffin but cause u had plans and u where right on u cant ask someone to wait on u if u dont know them.. if that was me i would have left lol cause i might have shit to do. but if he throws u out for this hes ignorant. shit sucks cause u are looking for a car and trying to get out but yet no one to help u. he should not have done or said that to u. u do have a mouth and i need to fix that shit.. might have to put something in it for u to shut up hahah just chill dont say anything smart to him even tho u want to. let it sit.. as for right no ur ass need to take the bus -_- jk

   Posted 12-02-2008 at 06:57 PM by bapbap18

4. thanks tig and cin! tig-my bro is 10.. he has a key.. he comes home from school..and no one is home. this isnt any different.. he has a key.. he knows what to do when he gets home.. he would be here for a good 20min by himself..until my dad's girl comes home. cin-I pay rent. only thing dad does for me is drive me to work.. or drive me around on errands I have. hence, why im trying to buy my car tomorrow. yea, he can ask me favors.. which i do.. but if i have plans... I have plans.. just like when he has shit to do.. and cant take me to work.. he says.. find a way. well.. i have something to do.. so .... like i said... i cant wait around... sorry. just cant. which i told him. sooo this is a favor that could not be done. bap- ur retarded. lol.. i will speak more on this with you later. anywho yes...he is the parent. i understand that. im a parent too. but i wouldnt just treat my kids any kind of way. I wouldnt disrespect her... talk down to her.. hurt her feelings.. just because im her mom. ya digg? there is a certain way to you talk to people..and i dont think my dad knows how to. and its not just me he does this to. we all agree.. that he maybe needs counseling. like i told my mom, yes he's my dad...but you're not just gonna talk to me like that.. just because your my dad. sorry. if there is no reason for you to be mean...why be mean? if i did something crazy.. yell at me.. go for it...its deserved. but.. he is just unreasonable. he text me back again.. just do what i ask you to do. well yea..i will. if i can. this shouldnt have been a big deal.. but he makes everything out to be one. funny thing is... i didnt even want to go out anymore. I told them not to come get me.. cuz i wouldnt be much fun to be around. sooo will i get my car tomorrow? I sure hope so.

   Posted 12-02-2008 at 07:05 PM by brwnsuga0407

5. 	In some states you cannot leave a child alone until they reach the age of 12. I'm not sure what it is where you live. But, a parent can be charged with abandonment. So, I can see why your father needs someone at home. He should be watched by someone. I know how you feel too. He's not your son, so you shouldn't always be expected to take care of him.
   	Posted 12-02-2008 at 07:36 PM by luvasiagal

6. 	Yeah its your dad's house, Alicia. He calls the shots, he may be right or wrong. Doesn't matter.
   	Posted 12-02-2008 at 08:20 PM by OneAndOnlyDK

7. So...when are you transferring to Sacramento? Better look into that! I think it's pretty crazy that he would blow up. You were being pretty accommodating and the second you're not, he's got a problem with you and you're being the difficult one. I also agree that you probably shouldn't pick fights w/him. I understand you get upset too, but when you're dealing w/someone who has such a short fuse, you're not going to get any where by adding fuel to the fire. Neither of you will. Someone has to be the bigger person and not let the argument escalate, or simply walk away. As for the key thing and kids being home alone at 12....yeah it may be illegal, but people do it all the time. So legal or not, if this is happened on a regular basis (i.e. after school, while someone is at work), it shouldn't be a big deal now. With you, your dad's gf, and your dad working, I'm sure there are several instances when he's come home at night to find no one home for 20 or 30 mins. I say, MOVE. I know that's hard, but you gotta figure something out. Even if you have to search craiglists for people who want roomies. This situation w/your dad doesn't seem like it's going to get better any time soon, and will probably only make things worse. Get out while your relationship is still in tact. The less stress you put yourself under, the better you'll be able to get the things done that you need to do.

   Posted 12-02-2008 at 09:59 PM by 03elleinad

8. I agree, if you are paying rent anyways, and you can afford a tiny place (a studio, shared house, whatevah) just move. Parents and offspring over 18 are not meant to co-habitate. I am convinced it is better to struggle and work a little extra than to live with parents and put more stress on a relationship that none of us have a choice in .... you can't choose your parents but they will continue to be your parents for the rest of their lives. Most of the time, getting your own place is the only way to be your own person without constant parental friction.

   Posted 12-03-2008 at 03:59 AM by GoldenGirl

9. I'm sorry to hear that but I agree with the others. Even if you are paying rent and even if you are 24,it's still your father's house. You might not like it but responsibility to family comes before responsibility to a stranger. If I lived at home, my parents would be the exact same way, believe me. I've butted heads with my father over petty things before when I lived with them. It's hard to admit when you are wrong too because you just don't want your father to treat you like a child anymore...which makes it even more confrontational between the two of you. He really did overreact though but the attitude you had just made it worse. To him, it just seems like you care more about a complete stranger than your brother and him. Maybe it's for the best since you are already paying rent to move somewhere else. I don't know if he'll kick you out, but maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that it's obviously not working out and that if he could just help you move your things then you will be out of his hair. *shrugs*

   Posted 12-03-2008 at 08:59 AM by Brisby

10. Yes, it is his house but you are his child no matter how old you are. Legally you are an adult but that doesn't mean you stop being his child. It's his duty as a parent to make sure you are not in the streets at least. I am not saying parents have to carry their kids their whole life but being there for them is a lifelong commitment. I am sure that argument will blow over, if you re read what you typed it wasn't about anything, lol. Seems like Dad just wants to control what he can't. If your parents are apart you might remind him of your Mom adding fuel to the fire. People with strong wills butt heads regardless of age or relationships, anyway. I would apologize and try to talk calmly and tell him you appreciate him being here for you . A lot of Dads are M.I.A.

    Posted 12-03-2008 at 09:41 AM by swoltz

11. thanks everyone... just gonna talk to him like nothing happend. as usual...it was an arguement over something retarded. I guess im just a terrible person... because I dont care if he's my dad or not.. you're just not gonna treat me like shit. sorry. yea family comes first.. but, I dont even consider my dads other kids family. I dont like them... I actually kind of hate them...and dont even want them talking to me. I think I wrote about this before.. .but they are the worst kids i have ever met. so disrespectful... and dont get me started on the girl.. she is 11.. wont be surprised if she is preggers by 13. and the boy... he'll prolly end up in jail. anyways.. thats something different. last night I got so drunk because of this... I blacked out...and dont remember much. thanks for all the comments tho. a lot of ya'll think because he is the parent he is right...and im wrong.. because im his child. thats fine. but, like i said... that doesnt matter to me.. just because Im you're child... you dont treat me any kind of way. guess im just terrible then *shrugs*

    Posted 12-03-2008 at 09:56 AM by brwnsuga0407

12. i am sorry. i can't read all of this right now. but, i am glad you are still not homeless. please be patient with your father and his girlfriend. even if you have traveled outside of the state and other places, it is hard to adjust. you, your daughter, him and his girlfriend all need some tolerance and patience. take it very easy this holiday season and try to hold your tongue more than usual. it will be much less stressful for everyone and you will be able to have a very small sense of home maybe for this season.

    Posted 12-03-2008 at 07:08 PM by xqzmi

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