AznLover.com - the interracial AMWF Community - Blogs - brwnsuga0407

I need a good gym....and a good church.

brwnsuga0407 — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:31:53 GMT

So...yea.. I havent been active because i dont have a computer anymore...

but while i'm at mi madres.. i decided to sign on.

anyway.. i need to find a good gym...if anyone knows of good gyms that have daycare... let me know! if they dont have daycare..i guess thats okay too. but just some suggestions would be great....and it would help if they are in the DC..MD..VA area. someone told me golds gym...but i thought that was expensive. yes? no?

im out of shape..and its sad..im almost 26 and my body has aches and pains already! i also get winded easy... lame! and if someone in my area would like to work out with me...let me know! i lack motivation because i think working out is boring..but, it needs to be done.

on a completley different note... I need to find a good church in my area as well. I need guidence and support...I dont have family in maryland..so it would be nice to be involved in a church.. so anyone in my area know of any? open for suggestions!

many thanks!

~Alicia

yea.

brwnsuga0407 — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 22:38:29 GMT

Got my baby back. :)

that is all.

p.s. I still despise the ex husband.

Why I hate men..

brwnsuga0407 — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 17:20:17 GMT

..ok, not all men. but, a majority.
ok, not a majority.. but my ex husband.

I dont even know why I date. I'm happy when I'm alone. I get sick of men easily. I rather just have them as friends to be honest.

but... shit happens.. and you end up falling for someone. I'm happy in the relationship I'm in now..I rather it not follow the same route my past relationships have taken. we have talked about the things that bother me...and make me shut down and not want to be in a relationship anymore. and we are working on it. and of course I have to work on myself as well....

so the reason for this rant.

I pretty much can't stand my ex husband.
ONE month before I go and pick my daughter up from Maine. he tells me... "We need to talk about Adriana's future"

I automatically know where this is going... so I call him right away.

long story short... after a year of having Adri...he thinks he'd be a better parent. and he doesnt want to send her back home.

my dad told me not to yell and curse at him via the phone... so I took a deep breath and told him this: "we agreed that she was going up there til kindergarden starts..and here kindergarden is starting...and you pull this shit on me. I knew you were gonna do this. I just knew it! but, Im gonna tell you this.. im not going another minute without my daughter with me. You think im like Kalebs mom(his son) but I'm not. i'm not a deadbeat..and if you think I'm just going to willing let you keep adriana.. you are crazy. in one year you think you are better then me.. why? because you have a fiance now? i'm coming to get adriana after your wedding..and that is that."

he then tells me.. "well, are you in school? i had to drop out because it was hard going to school and raising two kids, and working"

to which i told him.."well, im not you. I only have one child, and you do what you gotta do to make it.. i may find it difficult to go to school,work, and raise her.. but most people go thru worst. I will make it work. I already have a plan"

he then starts to kinda shut down..when he realizes i'm not gonna say.. oooh you know what.. you can keep my daughter...its okay.. its not like I carried her for 9 months and raised her till she was 4 or anything. i have noooo attachments whatsoever :rolleyes:

fuck that!

I told him.. "adriana will be fine. Why would I let anything happen to my own daughter?" I told him.. "I agreed to a year..away from her. and I cant not bare it any longer then that. Im sorry everyone up there got attached..but she is coming home. you get her in the summers like we agreed. please send me her immunizations and physical from the doctor so i can get her registered for school. thanks. :)"

and he said okay. I told him he was upsetting me..and he said he didnt want to upset me and that he's not saying im a bad parent.. but, whatever..it got me heated. why he would think a MOTHER.. would just let her child go like that. he could be the richest man in the world and I wouldn't let her stay with him. he could send me fuckin' child support.

Its shit like this...that really makes me want to be alone. just me and my adriana. I want more kids soon... so I'd be glad to have a sperm donor so I wouldnt have to deal with the man. :fawkdance:

but... I had to go and fall for the greatest guy...so looks like that won't be happening.

anyway, pray for me that it all works out.. I'd hate to go to jail for beating my ex husbands ass when I get to Maine. I'm def gonna get my father to come with me in case the ex pulls some shit...

-end rant-

Fml

brwnsuga0407 — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:39:34 GMT

I have the worst luck ever.
I can seriously hate my life sometimes. (a lot of the time)

among other things that are going wrong in my life. my computer decided to blow up on me today. normally, I wouldnt care. but nooooo this has to happen right when im in the middle of school.

I actually have maybe 3 weeks left of school. I have two papers to write in that time.

so i started to freak out. I cried for a good hour.. cursing everything that goes wrong in my life. called my dad.. cried some more. sucked it up.. and now im just in a bad mood.

problem of my papers solved... my dad is going to let me use his computer.
*whew*

problem of my Reading Response Journal....not solved.

I have spent weeks working on my Journal... and I actually finished it early. (will be collected at the end of semister)

guess where I saved it to? MY computer. so all that work is lost if I dont get my computer fixed.

so why not just write it over alicia? well, that makes it sound kind of easy doesnt it? write ten pages over... from memory. its not as easy as it sounds.. but i guess thats what imma have to do. it is just a PAIN in my ass tho!

so now I wonder how much it will cost to get the stupid MAC fixed. Im not made out of money...im not a person with a great job that when shit goes wrong...i can just blow some money on it..and all will be well. I have to save for things ya kno?

So...most likely I will have to use the credit card. my credit card was gonna be paid off completely next week. so that i can start saving my money for when I go pick my daughter up. well....this just made all that change. now my credit wont be all paid off. and I'll have to blow half of another check to get it paid off. that throws me saving off.. UGGGGHHHH!

so write two essays, a ten page journal, TRY not to spend a large sum of money to get my computer fix... is my goal. wish me luck.

I think..

brwnsuga0407 — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:41:35 GMT

I have the greatest boyfriend ever......EVER!! :heartbeat

that is all.

I love my mommy!

brwnsuga0407 — Mon, 11 May 2009 03:37:04 GMT

First off... Happy mothers day to all the mommy's out there!
every last one of you are amazing! :not_worthy2:

a few words about my mom....

she is the absolute best! she is always there for me.. esp when Im feeling down. she lifts my spirits. she knows all the right things to say.. and I hope I can be just as awesome of a mother as she is.. to my own daughter. she is truly my BEST friend....the only one I can truly tell anything and everything to. I can be my crazy silly self around her ...and she doesnt judge me. (she just thinks she has a crazy child :biglaugh:) she will do anything for me.. and I would do anything for her.

I tell her she has blond roots.. because she can be so dense sometimes.. but its the funny kind of dense. I love her mucho. I want the same relationship i have with her...with my Adriana.

I love my mommy!

Emotional.

brwnsuga0407 — Sun, 10 May 2009 05:50:08 GMT

I cried for about an hour.

it felt good.

no matter how much of a 'I wont take shit from anybody' attitude I have... and please believe I will smack a bitch if it comes to it. Im still a female.

and I get emotional.

too much going on. too many thoughts in my head. Im feeling confused right now. I was feeling down for a bit. talked to my mother... felt a lil better.

I think... well, I KNOW I miss Adriana. this could have triggered my tears. I feel so empty. Im just going through the everyday motions... but feeling numb.

I go out.. have a good time. but, I end up just wanting to be home in my bed. maybe Im getting old. I'm tired of guys grabbing my ass when I go out dancing. maybe I need a boyfriend. Im tired of games guys play. maybe, I dont need a boyfriend lol. Im tired of guys that I DON'T want to profess their love for me....profess their love for me. ew.

I rather hear it from the one I want.

Im emotional... and I want to cuddle. :(

Im rambling now.. probably makes no sense. oh well.. its my blog.

He's back!

brwnsuga0407 — Sun, 10 May 2009 00:52:53 GMT

..because I love Maxwell...and I cant get his new song off my mind. I cant believe its been 10 years!!!

YouTube - Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Official Video)

YouTube - Maxwell - Pretty Wings (Official Video)

welcome back Max...

Black women: stop justifying yourselves!

brwnsuga0407 — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 23:49:56 GMT

truer words have never been spoken.

this goes for ALL women as well...

YouTube - Black Women : Stop JUSTIFYING Yourselves!

Ive always wondered....

brwnsuga0407 — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 03:43:21 GMT

Who was the first guy to look at a cow and say....

"you see those danglin things right there?....lets drink whatever comes out of 'em"

:laugh::laugh:

seriously tho... You know you wanna know!

When I get mad...

brwnsuga0407 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:00:07 GMT

Im not really the greatest person to be around.

not only mad.. but upset...or just in a bad mood in general. I say really mean things... I dont care about people's feelings... all kinds of crazy things can come out my mouth. I'm a bitch. I know I'm being a bitch...and I will intentionally keep being negative... until I get out of my funk :(

its times like these when I need to be shut off from the world. locked up in my room or something.

le sigh...

I need a hug.

Constantly fighting with myself....

brwnsuga0407 — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:50:01 GMT

I wish things were just clear.

and that I wouldn't debate with myself back and forth. or that I wouldn't over think things.. or second guess..
I hate not knowing things.... I wanna be sure.

so yea... sure this only makes sense to me. I just needed to write it down.

A letter to your children...

brwnsuga0407 — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 18:24:38 GMT

This brought a tear to my eye. It got me thinking how as parents..we can get upset over little things and how we can sometimes forget to spend quality time with our kids.. because of work, or school, etc. It got me thinking about lots of things... I called my daughter right away..just to hear her voice and tell her I love her and that I couldnt wait for her to get home.

some people don't understand the love I have for my daughter.. I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices when I talk about her to them. when I talk to other parents..they totally get it! for the others, I just think to myself... have a child or two...and you'll understand.. you'll see.

enjoy!

*Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

*Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

*Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the
backyard and blow bubbles.

*Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

*Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

*Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

*Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

*Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

*Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

*Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

*Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

*Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

*I will think about the mothers And fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and
fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of
their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

*And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer... It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day..............

I will whoop your kids ass...

brwnsuga0407 — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:56:50 GMT

Got damn kids are soo disrespectful! :banghead:

and I'm not afraid to whoop someone else's kids ass.

let me explain... If you didnt know... I cant really stand my dad's kids. their mother did a horrible job at rearing them... so my dad has the boy.. to try and straighten him out.

as much as i cant stand my lil bro... if someone is picking on him.. im gonna stick up for him.
my brother is having a problem with this lil boy in the neighborhood.. they are around... 10 and 11. the other day..him and my bro got in a fight.. some parents broke it up.. came and told me what happened.. i then told my dad... we then went and got the lil boy.

me and my dad talked to both him and my brother to try and squash the whole thing. telling them..there are other ways for them to handle their problems.. etc etc.. we went to tell his parents.. but they were not home at the time.

my brother did whoop that ass.. (surprisingly). because of this the lil boy is STILL trying to fight him. so for the past 2 days..he has been ringing the doorbell with his friends.. and running.. we have caught them several times.

so today my dad catches him and says.. "stop playing on my door.. dont come around my house or anywhere near it for that matter" this lil bay bay kid then says "I can if i want...you cant tell me what to do"

OH HELLS NO! first of all.. when was it okay to talk back to an adult??? is this some new thing that I havent heard about yet?? second, what kind of parents do you have..that you feel you can talk this way??

we drove to the boys house and talked to his mom.. told her the whole story.. he had the nerve to say my dad was lying.. :laugh: yea.. a grown ass man is going to lie about you.. get real kid. his mom may handle it.. she may not.. it was hard to tell.

this being said.. if we have any more problems I will personally give the kid an ass whooping. . my dad says he will just call the cops. But.. im going to snatch his lil ass up and get my belt out.. for reals. his mom can get mad all she wants..... but she obviously not doing anything.. (if it continues to happen) either im gonna beat him down.. or imma allow cameron to fight his ass with my supervision right in the front lawn.

Im tired of bad ass kids!!!!

My list...

brwnsuga0407 — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:41:50 GMT

...of things that can go fuck themselves/Itself.

1. Traffic..

2. Teenagers..

3. Men who play games..

4. Bitches/Hos..

5. Old men that hit on me..

6. Teenagers that hit on me..

7. Crazy puerto ricans..

8. Stretch Marks..

9. Liars..

10. Cheaters..

11. Spiders..

12. Greediness..

13. Racists

14. Anyone trying to hold me back..

15. Maryland..

16. Two faced people..

17. Rudeness..

18. Beating around the bush..

19. All my exes..

20. Haters!

This list will get longer.. :biglaugh: