~ancient Indian tradition~
Posted 08-07-2008 at 11:14 AM by paloma
I dunno why, but I kinda just always wanted my son to have long hair. Before I was a mother, the little boys I saw at pow-wows used to melt my heart, with their tiny ribbon shirts, tiny Wranglers, zip-up cowboy boots, and two braids down the back. It's not a part of either of my tribe's lifeways for boys to have long hair, but it's just so darn cute that I am growing out his hair.
I went up last week to start moving out of my house with my husband. We met to discuss the divorce and custody terms, because we are going to try for a mediated divorce. He's a full-fledged asshole. He is giving me legal and physical custody, so he said he feels he shouldn't have to pay for the baby's health insurance since "he is just going to be with you all the time". Aaarrgh.
Anyway, one of the things he said that day was that the baby really needs a haircut. He said he doesn't want his son looking all scraggly, and he complained about the hair that hangs over the baby's ears. This from a guy who has wanted to see his son only twice since April, and has turned down opportunities I gave him for he and the baby to be alone together. Once, when he had the baby for an afternoon, he ended up going to his parents' house, dropped the baby off there, and drove away before anyone saw him. I suppose that's better than neglect, but it's sickening how little he seems to love his own son. I'm just saying all this to drive it home, that this sorry excuse for a man is delusional to think he should have a say in what his son's hairlength should be. He won't even insure him.
So anyway when he was complaining about the baby's hair, I made it up on the spot that I couldn't cut his hair until he was one year old. That in my culture, if I were to cut his hair before one year passed, it would take years off his life. My husband (bleah) has always been good about respecting the various customs of all my cultures. He went silent, and nodded solemnly and agreed about not cutting the baby's hair.
Score!
I don't know what I'll say when the baby reaches one, though.
I went up last week to start moving out of my house with my husband. We met to discuss the divorce and custody terms, because we are going to try for a mediated divorce. He's a full-fledged asshole. He is giving me legal and physical custody, so he said he feels he shouldn't have to pay for the baby's health insurance since "he is just going to be with you all the time". Aaarrgh.
Anyway, one of the things he said that day was that the baby really needs a haircut. He said he doesn't want his son looking all scraggly, and he complained about the hair that hangs over the baby's ears. This from a guy who has wanted to see his son only twice since April, and has turned down opportunities I gave him for he and the baby to be alone together. Once, when he had the baby for an afternoon, he ended up going to his parents' house, dropped the baby off there, and drove away before anyone saw him. I suppose that's better than neglect, but it's sickening how little he seems to love his own son. I'm just saying all this to drive it home, that this sorry excuse for a man is delusional to think he should have a say in what his son's hairlength should be. He won't even insure him.
So anyway when he was complaining about the baby's hair, I made it up on the spot that I couldn't cut his hair until he was one year old. That in my culture, if I were to cut his hair before one year passed, it would take years off his life. My husband (bleah) has always been good about respecting the various customs of all my cultures. He went silent, and nodded solemnly and agreed about not cutting the baby's hair.
Score!
I don't know what I'll say when the baby reaches one, though.
Total Comments 9
Comments
-
Just tell him he is a careless inconsiderate asshole without loyality for the own offspring and so has no say in his hairlenght or any other details of his life?
I dunno, just an idea now ...
Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:04 PM by Lady_Fate
-
Ah, I never thought I'd encounter another Native here =D my mother is Navajo. I can totally understand your desire, I don't even have any children yet but I already cannot wait until I (hopefully) have a son and am able to grow out his hair.Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:16 PM by CityLights 
-
he sounds more emotionally immature than his son.
Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:29 PM by sunny
-
Is your ex an Asian guy? There are at least 10 different things in Asian culture that weeds out skeevy character. Among that list, asskickin's by older family members when you don't step up as a man. About the long hair, some of us Asians knew how to grow our hair long and ride horses. Alas, that population has dwindled to just a few thousand in Mongolia and Kazakhstan.Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:30 PM by twilightsam
-
I love when lil boyz have long hair. Soo adorable.
Your ex sounds like a real ass telling you he won't pay for insurance, since he's with you. Sorry you have to deal w that. =(Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:55 PM by Diesel11
-
The way I see it, the less he participates in your sons life, the less he should have any say in the daily decisions, like a haircut. You are practically raising him alone so do what you feel is right for your son. I'm growing out my hair. I have my days where I want to chop it all off but I am stopping myself cause I have never had it this long, that I can remember.. maybe when I was a kid. But some days, I prefer it long (er).Posted 08-07-2008 at 12:57 PM by Andrew
-
I think that it is cool that you came up with an "ancient tradition" to keep your ex-husband from objecting to the long hair. lol. Non-natives always fall for that stuff. I agree with everyone else that since you are raising him, you should do what you want with his hair. Little Native boys look so cute with long hair. I wish more Native men would grow their hair out...Posted 08-07-2008 at 06:20 PM by smokedance10
-
paloma, i am always glad to read any update you have about your son. but, this one is pretty sad. the father sure is acting like an infant. that is a shame and it is worse that he is not alone and the only guy to do such things.
he plainly has too many deep issues to deal with this in a rational and mature manner.Posted 08-07-2008 at 06:24 PM by xqzmi
-
Oh I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You have full legal and physical custody. That means you make the decisions not him!! Grow that hair! My son has always had long hair and he is 11 now! I think it is beautiful!Posted 08-08-2008 at 04:37 AM by loraleena
