Sorry, what was that?

I managed to get my mop chopped yesterday for the first time by a female hairdresser and may be the last. If your wondering I still retain both ears and my sideburns are level (I think). Anyway, my normal mullet butcher was closed so I made the daunting prospect of visiting the next nearest hairdresser which was a unisex salon. A place where they 'create' and 'mould' as opposed to cut hair. Gone were the newspapers and 2 year old copies of FHM and replaced with pilates leaflets and girly magazines that told me how to please my man. This was the first time ever that a female, other than my mum, has cut my hair and I was fully aware of it not least because of some almighty sweater cows and a suitably/child sized white t-shirt. So I'm sat there as she's simultaneously choking me and tucking in that cloth thing that shields you from the dead weight hair (you know what I mean). Then she puts that car mat round my neck 'she smells like flowers' I think to myself whilst also hoping that the fire sprinklers comes on . I'm staring straight at the mirror and she puts her arms on my shoulders with each breast peeking out either side of my head I looked somewhat like a porno mickey mouse.
'So what do you want?' She asks in a strong farmer twang,
'Erm, yeah. Could I have a 2 back and sides and could you cunt the top and front to about 1.5" ple....' Time stops as I just catch onto what I just said,
'.....'
'.....'
'I'm sorry what was that?' She queeries in a very professional manner,
'.....Could I have a 2 back and sides and could you cut the top and front to about 1.5" please and leave it a bit longer round the crown, thank you' Now we both just look at each other trying not to laugh.
So all's going swimmingly as it could in this situation until she started cutting the top of my hair.
'So how much do you want off the top?' *snip*
'Erm, yeah about that much'
Now my hair's too short and I even paid £20 for the trouble dammit! Fortunately my hair grows pretty quick so I'll look like a FOB for a week then I'll be back to my uber cool best. Remember kids don't booze and cruise