Day 3 – Nihilist
This is the phase were you are caught in that learned helplessness cycle. I don’t think it is often that I don’t think that it will be better eventually. As I stated earlier I am definitely a rat racer, so to get to a helpless phase, would be horrible. I have been to hell throughout my life and knew that one day it would be better- even if today wasn’t the day.
So perhaps I have been a bit of a Nihilist by not being more assertive about wanting my ex to leave....

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So the deal is that I had to do this program to help us all deal with loss and grief – so I should have been done weeks ago, but instead I’ve been occupied
I was supposed to write 5 things I am thankful for daily but that hasn’t been happening – hahaha. Today I am thankful for:
1. Sleeping in
2. Warm blankets and soft sheets
3. Bubble baths by candle light
4. Chatting with strangers in the line for chipotle
5. Having alone time

...

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So today is November 21st, 2007 and on November 14th I wrote a blog about a student who I am very concerned about – well he freaked out today. Not the worst freak out he is capable of, but bad enough that my arms are sore from holding him for about 5 minutes until he could get control of himself. He wanted to punch another child for making fun of the rashes I described in that posting. I hate putting my hands on someone’s child. I’m finally relaxed and not shaking anymore. But ew what a terrible...

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Crazy things I am thankful for:
- Ties
- Lace
- Magic 8 ball
- Good photos
- Coke Zero Cherry
- Grilled cheese with syrup
- Modal cotton sheets, pjs and robes
- Pizza hut lunch buffet
- Laughing so hard my sides hurt
- 9 hour conversations
- Snow days
- Giggling
- McDonalds happy meal toys
- Sweatshirts
- Winter accessories with fur (faux)
- Flooring the gas petal
- Happy hour discussions...

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Pondering, wondering, waiting, and wishing
Thinking and sharing with sweet suspicion
Cautious, impatient, frustrated, and scared
Needing and wanting just to be there
Optimistic, secure, accepting, and warm
Smiling and inspired to someday be yours
Captivated, curious, eager, and enchanted
Desire runs wild for your sweet kisses

I’m spellbound by you
It’s quite a surprise
I just have to dream
That you will be...

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Well my goal was to blog everyday to work toward relieving stress and not bottling everything – but as you see, I am back to my usual ways

So what’s up LikeHawaii? Well today I just got drained by the emotionally disturbed student in my test prep class. He is so out of control and it’s sad because it truly isn’t his fault. He needs a special program but his mom pulled him so he could go to his neighborhood middle school. I taught him this summer for special education...

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WARNING: DEPRESSING INFORMATION!!


Well help finally arrived at work today, although I did not talk to a grief counselor, my work BFF did and then counseled me – I know I know, I just don’t want to be unraveled. Anyway, today’s visit was to help deal with loss. One of our children, an 11 year old girl, died of leukemia about a month ago (legally these grief counselors should have been here then for us, but our administration sucks). Maria was not supposed to make it...

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Well this is my first blog and really, I figure it’s the perfect place to just regurgitate life – “a brain dump.” So today I had a moment of clarity. I have been extremely stressed with work, life, friends, and family – but as I flew into the lounge today to bitch about something stupid, I was forced by others to “fill in the blanks” with what I was groaning about. As I sat down and repeated the situation aloud I realized that this particular event was my fault – I was the crazy...

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