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Unconditional Love
Posted 11-04-2009 at 09:28 AM by risky
When I think of the term "unconditional love", I think of my parents; how they've been there for me; how I always know I can turn to them if things get bad. This has been such an important quality in my life, as i'm sure it's been for most people, that I know I've taken it for granted.
Last week I saw a documentary movie called Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi. When I was a kid, this guy was my Idol - an Asian-American skateboarder who was badass, good-looking and everyone loved him and all the girls, no matter which race, wanted screw his brains out. I wanted to be Christian Hosoi, or at least his good friend, or a friend of his good friend. lol. He was the first modern Asian celebrity for me and was a big reason why I was a skater at the time.
So aside from all the nostalgia I experienced while watching the movie, there was a particular scene that covered the darker periods in Christian's life, specifically later in his young career when he got caught up in the drug scene. A good friend of his began to tell a story about how a long time ago Christian had bailed him out of jail with the little money he had at the time, then Christian had also let him lodge at his house until he was OK again. Then one day this friend snapped and began to blame Christian for everything bad that had happened to him, and then cursed him out and threatened to leave. Christian just looked at him very calmly and said, "OK, but we'll be here."
And then the friend stormed out of the house.
One week later he returned. Apparently this wasn't the only time this happened.
The camera cut to a black & white photograph of a very pale, probably drugged, Christian Hosoi cracking a smile through chapped lips, and the friend narrated, explaining how he was always there for him, no matter how bad it was, he'd always be there trying to help out, and most important Christian would always let it be known that anyone could come back and that they would be welcome.
I think unconditional love is taking the worst someone can possibly give you, and saying "OK. But I'm still going to be here for you."
I know this post hardly does justice to how potent and limitlessly powerful Unconditional Love is. I mean, I look around at all the people whom society would deem "unworthy" or "basket cases", and I can't stop myself from thinking that there is a very strong connection between the lack of unconditional love in these peoples' lives and the state of their being in this moment. And how can they pursue it when the fear of abandonment haunts their every step? It's like a catch-22 of the heart.
Yet this has the potential to break any wall built by any human being, and it does so by creeping up slowly, and at first they're like, "Whatever fucker! Just keep your distance!" and they ignore it and pretend it's kooky and lame, but time plays tricks on us. Time makes it seem like the future isn't really coming and this makes us think we can escape the need for true affection, and I think we can for a little while...
Last week I saw a documentary movie called Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi. When I was a kid, this guy was my Idol - an Asian-American skateboarder who was badass, good-looking and everyone loved him and all the girls, no matter which race, wanted screw his brains out. I wanted to be Christian Hosoi, or at least his good friend, or a friend of his good friend. lol. He was the first modern Asian celebrity for me and was a big reason why I was a skater at the time.
So aside from all the nostalgia I experienced while watching the movie, there was a particular scene that covered the darker periods in Christian's life, specifically later in his young career when he got caught up in the drug scene. A good friend of his began to tell a story about how a long time ago Christian had bailed him out of jail with the little money he had at the time, then Christian had also let him lodge at his house until he was OK again. Then one day this friend snapped and began to blame Christian for everything bad that had happened to him, and then cursed him out and threatened to leave. Christian just looked at him very calmly and said, "OK, but we'll be here."
And then the friend stormed out of the house.
One week later he returned. Apparently this wasn't the only time this happened.
The camera cut to a black & white photograph of a very pale, probably drugged, Christian Hosoi cracking a smile through chapped lips, and the friend narrated, explaining how he was always there for him, no matter how bad it was, he'd always be there trying to help out, and most important Christian would always let it be known that anyone could come back and that they would be welcome.
I think unconditional love is taking the worst someone can possibly give you, and saying "OK. But I'm still going to be here for you."
I know this post hardly does justice to how potent and limitlessly powerful Unconditional Love is. I mean, I look around at all the people whom society would deem "unworthy" or "basket cases", and I can't stop myself from thinking that there is a very strong connection between the lack of unconditional love in these peoples' lives and the state of their being in this moment. And how can they pursue it when the fear of abandonment haunts their every step? It's like a catch-22 of the heart.
Yet this has the potential to break any wall built by any human being, and it does so by creeping up slowly, and at first they're like, "Whatever fucker! Just keep your distance!" and they ignore it and pretend it's kooky and lame, but time plays tricks on us. Time makes it seem like the future isn't really coming and this makes us think we can escape the need for true affection, and I think we can for a little while...
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Good blog, after being a social worker you soon come to link many although obviously not all the problems that people have had from how they were treated by their parents/family and society as a whole. But the ones who have the most influence generally tend to be the parents and if they don't show uncondtional love what hope has a child got growing up in the world?Posted 11-04-2009 at 09:32 AM by PeachyUK
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That actually made me emotional- lol You're a good storyteller.Posted 11-04-2009 at 09:33 AM by Boondocksaints 
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I never found unconditional love again except from my parents and grandparents. Nowadays it's all about fun and shit, if you aren't as strong and funny as others want you to be then you are out.
I never take the love of my parents for granted, it's what keeps me alive.Posted 11-04-2009 at 09:50 AM by Lady_Fate
Updated 11-04-2009 at 12:12 PM by Lady_Fate -
The sentence I quoted is quite possibly the most dead-on accurate thing I've read in years. I could not have said it any better myself, and as the wife of a soldier with PTSD, I can tell you it's true. He gives me his worst more times than I can count, and I love him anyway, and we get through it and come out the other side just a little better than we were. The good days handily outnumber the bad now, and that wasn't always the case.Quote:I think unconditional love is taking the worst someone can possibly give you, and saying "OK. But I'm still going to be here for you."
The difference between homeless veterans and those who get over that initial hard time and make a go of life on the outside is that the latter group had someone who loved them unconditionally and helped them through the worst times. Maybe it was their parents, maybe a friend, maybe a spouse, but in most cases, there was somebody who helped them find their feet and get settled on the outside even though it is not easy. Those who end up homeless, on drugs, alcoholics, etc, are the ones who did not have that. Loving someone unconditionally enough to be there for them even when they dish out the worst they've got, or are going through the hardest times (which is a catalyst for dishing out the worst they've got!) makes the biggest difference.Posted 11-04-2009 at 10:37 AM by Nomad
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I'm gonna agree with Nomad and say that u definitely hit the nail on the head of unconditional love . I've always believed that the test of true love comes in the darkest hours. It's also heartbreaking to see how far people can fall when they have no one to support them through their hardest trials. Great insight with that last paragraph. I'm feelin' this blog.
Posted 11-04-2009 at 11:58 AM by Vampslover
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And what we must remember is unconditional love is not conditionally extended... Often it is thought that unconditional love is a two way street and it simply isn't for many people.. To find it and to give it are great feats which only a fortunate few experience.
Sit and watch your lover be destroyed by drugs, and when he has nothing left and no fight, he's doing methadone to hold him over, you hold his hand and take him home to where he can be helped, and then walk away knowing you'll never see or be with them again, because its what's best for them...
Look into the heart of a friend who cries out about a legal quandry they are fully culpable of and feel your heart grow in love for them...
Council a friend who is having an illicit affair you whole heartedly disagree with, but your heart loves them enough to know they can rise from this mess...
Often acts of unconditional love mean you will lose these people eventually, and mostly of their own shame playing out. Do not be disheartened, sometimes giving that unconditional love is knowing who you give it to still has conditions...Posted 11-12-2009 at 01:56 PM by CinthebigD
