Even the desert must have its rain.
Even the moon must cast its own light.
Even a star must die when it is time.
Even I must share my pain.
Even the moon must cast its own light.
Even a star must die when it is time.
Even I must share my pain.
Appearances
Posted 10-27-2008 at 10:08 PM by Shaharrah
Warning: This blog entry is going to be me just whining. Nothing too insightful. Maybe next time. 
Consciously, I realize that everyone is a bit worried about their appearance. We all have things we physically do not like about ourselves. Some of us are too thin or too chubby, too short or too tall, bad teeth or bad complexion. The list can be endless if we all were to sit around criticizing our own selves.
Welcome to the human condition.
Imperfection.
Maybe society just encourages women, in particular, to be extremely nit picky about our exteriors. Really, women seem to be pitted against each other in order to decide who is prettier, has a nicer figure, or is more fashionable. This ruins the sisterhood of us. I mean, as women how do we have time for bonding without malice? Why do we have to lead our lives around patriarchial expectations? Is a man really worth all the trouble of keeping him if it means denying ourselves?
Since when do I, as a woman, have to be some stupid man's ideal? Since when do I have to toss out everything that is me, even if it is a so called flaw?
Lately the men I encounter in my 2 years of singledom have telegraphed these messages to me. It usually goes as follows: "You're kind of cute, but there's alot of acne scars and premature wrinkles. Get this plastic surgery to be prettier. Hey, why aren't you skinny? Get liposuction so you're not so chubby. Don't want that? Okay. Count calories until you reach the point that eating makes you delirious. Then worship at the gym for 7 days out for the week and 12 hours a day. What? That does not work with your schedule? Hm...maybe you could try throwing up after every meal? I hear starvation is envogue. Seriously, what is up with your teeth? Okay, braces? Hey, get Lumineers. They're kickass, whitening AND straight. Who cares if they're fake?
"
My response usually goes: "...."
I really want to fight against all this...this...propaganda.
At the same time...I have a strange understanding of where they are coming from.
Growing up I was the ugly, nerdy kid. Yup. I was fat. I was tall. Hit puberty early. Mouthfull of shitty teeth, because my family couldn't afford braces. Horrible acne. Really huge glasses. Yeah, not fun. I have improved. Vastly. But...you know, scars from those days, well, ten years of abuse actually, linger. I do mean abuse. I was beat up regularly by boys. The girls totally jipped me or spread some really horrible rumors. I got the verbal abuse from both genders. Oh, and as a result, I was kind of everyone's favorite outcast.
High school graduation was salvation.
Still, no one can critique me like I can myself. My self esteem is already topsy turvy without more male "help." I think for a time I will avoid dating men of any race. (Yes, above comments are universal, apparently, although most contributors were of the Asian variety lately...)
So, I'm here to say something and proudly. I have been improving upon myself inside and out. NOT to please a man. NOT to please society. NOT to compete with other women. FOR MYSELF. I want to feel good about who I am. I do have braces now. (Invisiline. Actually they're really cool, haha. I have them for...a year?)
Moral of the story for myself: Please yourself. Like yourself. Improve upon yourself because you want to. Become and be someone you are happy with. Let the rest of the world get smart and realize how amazing of a person you are.
Consciously, I realize that everyone is a bit worried about their appearance. We all have things we physically do not like about ourselves. Some of us are too thin or too chubby, too short or too tall, bad teeth or bad complexion. The list can be endless if we all were to sit around criticizing our own selves.
Welcome to the human condition.
Imperfection.
Maybe society just encourages women, in particular, to be extremely nit picky about our exteriors. Really, women seem to be pitted against each other in order to decide who is prettier, has a nicer figure, or is more fashionable. This ruins the sisterhood of us. I mean, as women how do we have time for bonding without malice? Why do we have to lead our lives around patriarchial expectations? Is a man really worth all the trouble of keeping him if it means denying ourselves?
Since when do I, as a woman, have to be some stupid man's ideal? Since when do I have to toss out everything that is me, even if it is a so called flaw?
Lately the men I encounter in my 2 years of singledom have telegraphed these messages to me. It usually goes as follows: "You're kind of cute, but there's alot of acne scars and premature wrinkles. Get this plastic surgery to be prettier. Hey, why aren't you skinny? Get liposuction so you're not so chubby. Don't want that? Okay. Count calories until you reach the point that eating makes you delirious. Then worship at the gym for 7 days out for the week and 12 hours a day. What? That does not work with your schedule? Hm...maybe you could try throwing up after every meal? I hear starvation is envogue. Seriously, what is up with your teeth? Okay, braces? Hey, get Lumineers. They're kickass, whitening AND straight. Who cares if they're fake?
"My response usually goes: "...."
I really want to fight against all this...this...propaganda.
At the same time...I have a strange understanding of where they are coming from.
Growing up I was the ugly, nerdy kid. Yup. I was fat. I was tall. Hit puberty early. Mouthfull of shitty teeth, because my family couldn't afford braces. Horrible acne. Really huge glasses. Yeah, not fun. I have improved. Vastly. But...you know, scars from those days, well, ten years of abuse actually, linger. I do mean abuse. I was beat up regularly by boys. The girls totally jipped me or spread some really horrible rumors. I got the verbal abuse from both genders. Oh, and as a result, I was kind of everyone's favorite outcast.
High school graduation was salvation.
Still, no one can critique me like I can myself. My self esteem is already topsy turvy without more male "help." I think for a time I will avoid dating men of any race. (Yes, above comments are universal, apparently, although most contributors were of the Asian variety lately...)
So, I'm here to say something and proudly. I have been improving upon myself inside and out. NOT to please a man. NOT to please society. NOT to compete with other women. FOR MYSELF. I want to feel good about who I am. I do have braces now. (Invisiline. Actually they're really cool, haha. I have them for...a year?)
Moral of the story for myself: Please yourself. Like yourself. Improve upon yourself because you want to. Become and be someone you are happy with. Let the rest of the world get smart and realize how amazing of a person you are.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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A-men! Well said.
Posted 10-28-2008 at 06:27 AM by Diesel11
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Appearances
Yes, what is America gonna do if the dollar goes down. They won't have the money to do the lipo, face lifts, butt lifts, boob jobs, nose jobs, lumineeers, gym, shopping trips, etc..... Most of the people who get those things done looked fine to begin with. If people cant like us just the way we are, then their not worth our time.Posted 10-28-2008 at 07:47 AM by luvasiagal
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I feel your pain, Shaharrah. I had some similar experiences with people in the past. I use to be really hard on myself. These days, most of the time I am okay, but every once in awhile I get worried and those old feelings creep up on me. :(Posted 10-28-2008 at 03:56 PM by Brisby
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I FEEL ya on this one girlie
It took forever and a day for my to accept myself as I am now. I'm working on improving myself (getting healthy and losting weight for health reasons) for me and not for anyone else!
Posted 10-28-2008 at 08:41 PM by HunnieBee
