I dreamed of a white bathroom, my dad on the ground, head leaning against the toilet, and ink pooling along the rim.

I’ll never know how much history my family’s bled to get to where we are today.

My parents were born in 1955.

The (violent, chaotic) Cultural Revolution took place from 1966 to ~1976, so from when my parents were 11 to 21, though the Communist Revolution had been underway since ~1950. My parents (particular my father) have mentioned that my grandparents, being teachers and intellectuals, suffered pretty badly during the XiaXiang (Down to the Countryside) movement.

I don’t know how any of this has affected their lives.

I am nearly completely ignorant of Chinese history. In my life, there were literally zero classes on Chinese history, especially regarding the tumultuous times of Chairman Mao. I’ve learned more about the history of Mao and China in the fifteen minutes of research on wikipedia I did for this entry, than I have in rest of my entire life, combined.

Without that larger context and picture, I’m unable to piece together the bits of family history my parents show into a larger history, into a cohesive picture.

I have no family narrative.

What motivated my parents to move to America? What were my parent’s influences, growing up? Who were their heroes? What were my grandparents like, before them? What has influenced them?

I know more about Malcolm X and Tupac, the Civil Rights movement and feminism, than I do about my own parents, or my own country’s history.

Do white Americans suffer from similar problems? I feel like, when you learn about the history of immigration and the history of the United States, it’s possible to fit some part of your family history in. At the very least, you could imagine your family history into there somewhere, with a probably reasonable amount of accuracy.

I imagine, or perhaps I simply hope and wish, that white people have an easier time of figuring out their family history. But tell me. Let me know. Is it easy to figure out the past? Is it hard? Is my problem something every American goes through, or is it just me?

This is a really heart warming post.

I think you should learn all you can as background, and then talk to them. Ask them to tell what life was like growing up. Ask and then listen.

Someday, you'll want to tell these stories to your own children.

I am trained as an ethnologist so it always makes sense to me to ask people to talk about their lives in order to learn from them. But even as a kid I used to want to look at photographs of my parents and ask them to tell about how they met, and things like that.

There is in everyone's past good and bad times, personal stories and the backdrop of the times. The Cultural Revolution in China is quite a backdrop.

When I was in college, I had a short story class and interviewed my Dad for one of my stories about Shanghai in the late 1920s. But ever since I was little I had listened to him talk about China and how he came to Hawai'i.

My Mom and Dad have recently begun writing their memoires.

I would be really interested to hear what you learn abotu the those times fro you parents and other relatives.

wow.. this is a deep one. i dunno how i could relate to this.. but i have a feeling that you're not the only one who's in this situation. but first and most i must say that i'm glad that at least you care about it.. some don't and i think that's really fucking sad..

have you visited china yet? i can't help wondering what it would be like if you were to take a trip to china with your parents. go back to visit your origin and hear some good stories from your folks. you know there's a very good chance that you might run into friends or family members from back in the days.. or at least people that know them and still live there. especially if your grand parents were teachers, they were most likely well known in town. i mean to wiki shit like this is almost useless. i'd say look up stuff like the current stats of where ever your family is from, then look into preparing a trip and get ready to be enlightened.. it's always different when you know it from your personal level, then you go and research on the history on what was happening back then and why. you'll understand it better, and please don't believe everything wiki says..

i'd say first you should have a good chat session with your folks over some good tea and your family photo albums. or even any personal items that would bring back some memories and trace back as far as you could (it's better when you have something visual), especially if look into your ancestry roots by visiting their grave sites when you all go visit china. come on, there are 5000 years of drama bullshit (or history..) that happened back in china, we all could relate to it one way or another.

this is something really personal and i'd imagine it will be a life changing experience. i hope this could help you or at least inspire you a bit.. take your time on this, things will fall into right places and they will all make sense down the road. good luck buddy

I consider myself lucky, in that I know about my parents past and both their cultures and upbringing. But until I was in my mid-20s I knew almost nothing about my (white) father's heritage, only my mom's Thai side. It was something I had to learn about by getting to know his side of the family and talking to his sister and brother. My American auntie gave me tons of old photos from when they were little, and of my grandparents, and she told stories and described people. I never met my paternal grandparents, they died when I was too little. Now I know a lot about them, and they are also people to be proud of. I think it is never too late to try and learn about your history.

̴ We are Siamese if you please! We are Siamese if you DON'T please!! ̴