I've often thought of my mother-in-law as a people collector, or more accurately, an ethnicity collector. She is white, and she and her husband have biological kids and adopted kids. The adopted kids are from Korea and China. When you step in their house, it's like you are walking into a goddamn Asian antiquities shop. The biological kids often point out that nothing of their (Italian and German) heritage is represented with pride in the home. If it ain't Asian, mom is not interested. When the adopted Asian kids have had white girlfriends, she has expressed her disappointment. When she met me for the first time, she was one of those well-meaning but overly curious people who salivates over finding some esoteric detail about being Native. Sometimes I feel like she thinks of me, being multiracial, as a little curio to add to her collection of "Ethnic Groups I Know". She means well, I know I know I know, but this is starting to bother me.
She babysits my son when I am in school. About a month ago, I had to meet her and drop my son off at a pediatrician's office, where her youngest daughter had an appointment. She didn't see that I had beaten her there, and I was in the corner nursing the baby. I heard her at the receptionist's desk, explaining that her daughter-in-law would be coming by to drop off her grandson. She told the receptionist "my daughter-in-law doesn't look like me" and gave this wide grin that just rubbed me the wrong way. Where is it written that daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law must resemble each other? It seems like she gets off on having color in the family.
Last week I had lunch with her. So it was her, a white lady with red hair, me, and my little hapa son. It was one of those places where you order at the counter and they bring you your food. We walked in together, looked at the same menu, and ordered together. Yet she felt a need to tell the cashier "We're all together" and I swear she had a shiteating grin the way she said it.
This is mildly annoying. I cannot deal with a lifetime of her pointing out to every person she sees that HEY LOOK AT ME I HAVE A MIXED-RACE FAMILY! I grew up in a mixed-race family and I just don't see it as a big deal. The larger issue is that I don't want my son thinking it's strange either. I grew up in a small town where my brother and I were teased viciously for being mixed, and for this next generation, I want it to be a normal thing, to be mixed.
I need to have a talk with her about it, but I don't know where to start. Any ideas?

We really don't get to change the elderly. A well-timed talk might make her a little more cautious around you. Or it may not. The worst part is that she most likely has absolutely no idea that you are being irritated.

" A useless life is an early death. "
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Been there, done that.
But, it was the Asian Mother who did it.

"Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete."

talk to her and tell her how it embarrasses you and tell her to fucken stop that stupid shit. it is not a competition of who likes which and/or all races better than someone else. it is bullshit that you do not need to put up with. that is is not normal and it is horrible. tell her to go to iran and adopt babies. joking. ok, seriously, i meant everything else. she needs to tone that shit down. my mother says stupid shit that makes her look like that, too. i am always telling her to tone it down. for some reason it makes her feel like a better person and she thinks she is being open to accepting other people as in appreciating them through saying stupid shit. she says "gracias" to anyone who looks like they MIGHT be mexican, latin or anything along those lines. she says "shey shey" to all asians!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it does not matter if they are japanese or filippino or korean or not even asian for that matter! if you look like it, you are to her. i tell her to stop it and not do that because not everyone that looks asian is chinese or speaks chinese, same as the gracias or other things she says. i tell her sometimes people do not appreciate it and it is embarrassing. she says things like: "well, at least i am trying (,right [she says the right sometimes])." i tell her, "you need to try not to do that to everyone". she has been doing this shit for so long she can't stop herself. i was basically raised in an asian church and they have done a big disservice when i was going up and enabling us non asians (who were few). they would tell us how much more asian we were as the years were going by. now, no one really says things like that, that i have noticed. and there is a different vibe and crowd that have formed within that church anyway. but, still. this is the shit that she does. we live in a very asian centric area. so, it is always trouble.

I would just gently explain to her that sometimes, you feel like a part of her curio collection and it is an uncomfortable feeling.
If she gets upset, you can easily change the subject but she might still think on your words later and be more careful with her pride.
If she asks why... well, you would know best what to reply to that.

For me, things like this are best talked about when they're minor issues or they start to build-up in me and then I have a bad reaction at the wrong time...

Good luck with this sensitive topic.

"If you can't be kind, be vague."

I don't know the whole situation but I think you maybe over reacting, no?
First of all where did she live with her kids, I'm thinking all white neighborhood. She is probably used to explaining to others about her family and it's coming from her insecurity. I don't think she means anything by it. But if it bother you that much you should talk to her that let her know time has changed.

no, she is not. she would not be sharing it if she were. she is not the type to share too much, so, i understand how this concerns her. it is wrong no matter what the mother in law lives. paloma, good luck.

I think next time I'll show up on her doorstep wearing a feather headddress (which is sooooo not what my tribe does or ever did), with a burrito in one hand and singing "Cielito Lindo". She will love it!