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Love Springs EternalDiscussions dealing with dating, long term relationships, and marriage
Back in 2005 when I first started dating AMs, I contributed to a friend's website that he used to host. He's since shut it down. I was cleaning out my hard drive when I found one of the articles I wrote. This was in the very beginning...this took me back for sure!
Okay, those of you faithful readers of NB (Eric and Barry) know that I have had quite a year. I have caught the “yellow fever” and have started exclusively dating Asians. I still get the ‘why, huh?’ look when I tell people, but I’ve gotten used to that by now when the question comes up. I reply that Asian men are usually professional, educated, make good providers, are very respectful to women, are very driven and ambitious, have good family values, and, if I am lucky to marry Chinese, I get all the fried rice I can possibly eat (that WAS a joke, for those of you who couldn’t tell). Plus, and this is important for all women, they are cute. I have also found that when Asian men find out that I’m interested in their race and culture, they just cannot believe their good fortune (no pun intended there, really). I like that they consider a Caucasian woman exotic and desirable. Okay, sounds like I’m a big fish in a small pond—just cast a line out, and my life would be full of wonderful Asian men who love white women, right? Ah, not so fast my friend.
Something else that I have figured out is that in the Asian man vocabulary, a Caucasian woman is a loose one, or an Amazon woman who’ll put an Asian man in a vice grip between her strong thighs (see the Horrors of E-dating article). Okay, so I may be exaggerating a bit, but guys who I meet online really expect that I’ll put out on the first date or teach them more about sex. Oh, that’s another thing. I’m meeting a lot of Asian men who aren’t very sexually experienced. I’ve met a guy who lost his virginity at 30, a man who is 31 and only slept with 2 women in his life, and a guy who is 26 and is looking for his first experience. While on one hand it sounds very intriguing (see the Ode to a Virgin article), on the other hand I cannot become the personal play toy for Asian men everywhere (hmmm, maybe after my current career I can hire myself out). I’m trying to find a man who will enjoy an open loving relationship but not use me for his carnal education. At first, it seemed fun that I could “train” a man to concentrate on what I like and I could show him what he’d like. Nice and manipulative, right? Well, it’s not as fun as you might think. I like Asian men because they have a different view of the world than what I’ve had growing up and was hoping that they could bring other views into the bedroom. I have not experienced that so far; the Asian men I have had the pleasure of knowing so far have been very narrow-minded and seemed sexually repressed either by religion or upbringing. I sometimes wonder how China and Japan became so populous with this kind of thinking—SOMEONE had to get busy occasionally! A 47 year-old Chinese friend of mine actually told me that he has never talked dirty in bed or had anyone talk dirty to him. When I asked him if he would like that if a woman did that for him and he seemed perplexed. “Well, I grew up religious, you know.” I asked him what that had to do with anything; I was raised a Southern Baptist, for gosh sakes (can’t say God in the previous sentence or I may die in the lake of fire later). I could get a Ph.D. in Christian Guilt and Repression! Sex is a gift from God and he should enjoy it! He said that yes, he enjoyed it, but only during the confines of matrimony. Oooookay then. No, I’m not saying that I want people to abandon their religious beliefs, but I do think that sometimes broadening the horizons is a good thing within a caring, committed relationship. That was what I was trying to do when I decided to date Asian. One of my Asian friends did say that when Asian men settle down, they really settle down and do not look outside the marriage for other relationships. I like that about Asian men, but to get to that point seems to be quite the challenge. I have purposely dated Asians who are born in the U.S. and are “westernized” to minimize the many differences between us, but it appears that even then, those differences remain great.
This past weekend, I was to have a repeat experience with a certain Korean man and I was looking forward to it. We talked about it almost daily via email and instant messages, making plans; neither of us could wait. We’d had quite a night last summer. On the 3-hour drive there, I received a text message that said: “I just don’t feel right about tonight. I feel like I’m using you for sex, and I don’t want to do that. Sorry.” I was stunned. I stopped on the side of the road and typed, “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I was using you? We’re both adults here.” I couldn’t believe it—I stumbled across the only male with a conscience! I guess I should be thankful that he was so thoughtful about my feelings, but he sure wasn’t that way last summer…maybe he’s become a Southern Baptist in the meantime.
Has this dampened my interest? Maybe just a bit, but I still believe that my Asian Prince is out there programming a computer, designing a building, prescribing medication, splitting the atom, running a business or curing cancer and just hasn’t looked up long enough to notice a Caucasian woman smiling at him. Maybe if I whisper naughty things in his ear, he’ll notice.
It was a bit naive back then, but it still brings back good memories.
It was a bit naive back then, but it still brings back good memories.
Oh Luv, how innocent how little did you know back then.....
