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Love Springs EternalDiscussions dealing with dating, long term relationships, and marriage
Is he just after your money? Ten ways to spot a gold digger
By Emma-Lou Montgomery, MSN Money special correspondent
August 02 2004
Does your man seem decidedly more in love with the set of wheels you drive than he is with you? If so you could have a gold digger in your life. Read on for the 10 tell-tale signs that will reveal whether your man's only after one thing - your money.
According to a new survey high-flying businesswomen are three times more likely to miss out on marriage than their male counterparts. And those who do get hitched are twice as likely as their high-flying male counterparts to get divorced, according to a survey by Natwest and the Institute of Directors.
The fact is that being young, rich, successful - and female - can spell romantic disaster. We might all groan and say “Yeah, right. Whatever” when the likes of Kylie complain about the fact that they can't find a man who wants them for who they are rather than what they are, but even in the 'real world', many successful women are without love because they can't find a man they trust to be genuine with his affections.
It's a new variation of the gold digger stories of old. Tales abound of ruthless young women who make it their career to find a rich, old millionaire to satisfy their material needs. But the fact is, it's not only women who can be gold diggers.
We might like to think we know the signs, but I can tell you, not all gold diggers have long blonde hair, matching blood red lips and nails and a push-up bra.
Some have designer stubble, a six-pack, more charm than, well, Prince Charming, and most importantly, a propensity for young, successful women.
The big players
And there are an increasing number of men who are big players in the gold digging game.
Girls, they're out there. So if you have any doubts whatsoever about your beau's intentions it could be time to question a few things.
For example, what does your partner say first attracted him to you? Was it your eyes? Your sense of humour? Or your car?
How did he describe himself when you met? Did he say he was a high-flying businessman? Someone in need of a direction in life? Or an up-and-coming success story?
Check his wallet
And perhaps most tellingly, what is his current financial situation? If he's earning a fortune and loving every minute of it, great. If he's always moaning about not earning enough, then not so good (but hey, we've all been there). But if he's now in debt and penniless, I think there should be some questions asked.
They always say you can tell a lot about a man from his mother. But an ex is an even more revealing source of information. Ask him whether his former partner was a housewife or mother, an up-and-coming career girl or a successful professional. The answer could be more revealing than you might think.
Lastly, find out exactly how he sees your career. Is he proud of you and the sort of man who gives you all the support you need? Or does he refer to your career as something to occupy you until you have kids? Or, does he play the 'pushy mother' role and keep cajoling you to climb the ladder quicker and pester your boss for a pay rise every other month?
He might be Prince Charming, but does he come at a price? Yes, he could genuinely be the supportive type. And yes, you may be more than happy to have a stay-at-home man who loves and supports you, does your ironing and has your dinner on the table. If so, great. If not, keep your wits about you.
The ten tell-tale signs to watch out for:
1. He constantly tells you how great your career is.
2. He treats your shiny new sports car as his own - lavishing more care and attention on it than he does on you.
3. He never protests when you have to work late.
4. The high-powered job he had when you met seems to be becoming decidedly less high-powered by the day.
5. Or, he jacks in his day job completely.
6. He constantly tells you that there's no greater turn on than a successful, powerful woman.
7. Despite earning a pittance/nothing his favourite words are five star, Bollinger, Rolex and Porsche.
8. He offers to take you on holiday and you end up paying.
9. He's forever 'forgetting' his credit card/cashcard and 'borrowing' from you.
10. His mother proudly says she "always knew my son would end up with a woman who was better than him".
Aaargh! Run girl, run.
How to protect yourself
But seriously, there are some steps you can take to make sure you're not so much gaining a lover as an expensive, albeit very sexy, home-help.
Firstly, keep your financial independence. This means keeping a separate bank account and credit card account. Money is the prime source of domestic scuffles, but knowing that your bank balance won't plummet without your knowledge and that there are not going to be any nasty surprises when you get your credit card statement will give you peace of mind.
Secondly, try to ascertain his financial type. Is he a spender or a saver (if he's a gold digger he'll tick the first box). Then share your financial goals. If you're the sort of person who likes to invest or save regularly don't let him stop you. The important thing to remember is that your money is exactly that, yours.
And, just say this doesn't turn out to be the man of your dreams, you don't want to be left broken hearted and broke to boot.
And lastly, if he ever utters a sentence that starts ‘my mother thinks...’ run - as fast as you can.
You can laugh, but the problem doesn't only exist for men.
I know ... from experience.
Brisby, couldn't you post that like ... 8 years ago?
But well, it wouldn't have helped me, it seems to be made for very rich women. Normal income ones can be conned too as I have learned.
You can laugh, but the problem doesn't only exist for men.
I know ... from experience.
Brisby, couldn't you post that like ... 8 years ago?
But well, it wouldn't have helped me, it seems to be made for very rich women. Normal income ones can be conned too as I have learned.
Lady, I wasn't laughing at the post, but sticking out my tongue to the rather odd timing of the post
