to me, the problem arises when you plan too long term.

if you take a relationship day by day, then you aren't burdened by any expectations to shape or mold someone. and i find that oftentimes, qualities and traits that initially don't work can grow on you if you remove this "pressure" off yourself and your partner.

worst case scenario, if you can't make it work, move on and find someone more suitable.

well thanks for the insight.

so if theres that person whos nice and all, but deep down u know u cant accept her for what she is and u know there is room for improvement , would u encourage her, instead of forcing her?

Come on, we have said it all.
Encourage her maybe, but do not expect her to change and do not date her under the given circumstances.
However you put it, if you say force (how is one going to do that anyways, beating the other up and tying her to the bedpost or what? *jk*) or encourage, deep inside there is an expectation.
And all of it is likely not going to work.
People have an easier life just surrounding themselves with people they can accept fully.
Period.

Lieber stehend sterben als kniend leben!

ʎlʇǝınb ʎɹǝʌ punoɹɐ ƃuıuɹnʇ sı plɹoʍ sıɥʇ

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lalense/

If you can't accept her for who she is, then you shouldn't be with her. It is not fair to her. If she wants to change in the future she needs to do so on her own. You definitely can't force her. Not accepting her or valuing her for what she stands for is huge Kev!

Not to dig at you, or mean this in a malice way...

But may I also add to not do so with someone who is young(ER) and still emotionally and mentally forming. Trying to change an adult is one thing, but someone still forming, is worse in my opinion. I have seen many people 'get them young' so they could shape them to their wants and needs, and it angers me deeply! But indeed, I agree with all that you said.

"I cry like a lil bitch!" - Harabuji. lol. 감사합니다...

I think most people feel that relationships are hard to get in the first place.
So if they have found someone they would rather try to shape that someone into the person they want them to be.

I personally don't mind being alone. I would rather be unhappy alone than to be in a mismatched relationship. Trying to change someone into someone else isn't fair to the person you are with. I'm sure there is someone out there for you. You just have to look harder for them or not look at all. That is usually when they fall into your lap!

i totally agree. patience is key, as is the self confidence to know that if your significant other isn't right for you, you don't have to force anything or stick around. there is someone better suited for you out there. and until then, enjoy being single. it's great!

i hate to turn this into an age issue, but i find that most people who obsess about this tend to be younger. as you age, you realize that there is no rush, no need to press and force people to be things they aren't.

breathe. relax. and go with the flow. i promise you'll be happier and less stressed.

Love someone for their traits, and not shape them so we love them. <-------Advice I have seen given on many, many, many, talk shows, such as Oprah, the former Ricki Lake show, etc., by various relationships experts, marriage counselors, and psychologists. I believe that it is good, sound, valid, wise, advice, I don't think that they can all be wrong, especially with so much experience dealing with and trying to heal relationships that have developed problems firsthand.

Hope this helps you. Good luck.