OK heres a joke a friend said once that was so dumb I ended up smirking at her because she thought it was so clever...

"Two vampire bats were hunting one night, looking for some blood to suck, but couldn't find any so they flew back to their cave. But one bat didn't give up and went out to hunt again. After an hr or so he flew back with blood all over him. The second bat asked, shocked, "How did you do that?" The first bat said, follow me...and led him to a wall. "There", He said...

~Knowledge doesn't make you smart, it's wisdom to handle it that makes you a fucking god!~ By Dogmaeye

LoL

What looks best on 5 lbs of fat?

"If you can't be kind, be vague."

Steak sause?

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

A nympho couldnt help herself. But still got married anyway. Her hubby said if he ever caught her fucking another man he would leave.

Time went by and the nympho kinda needed some extra lurvin, so she stopped a Scottish bloke passing by and got him into bed for a shag. Hubby got home early from work and she said to the Scottish bloke ''Quick hide in my top drawer'' So he did.
Time went by she forgot about the top drawer, and felt the need in her again. This time she stopped an English bloke and when hubby came home again she got the English guy to hide in the middle drawer.
Time again went by and with the desire rearing its ugly head she stopped an Irish man. Same thing happened.. hubby came home, and she told the Irish bloke to hide in the bottom drawer.
Months and months went by before she remembered these men and when she did, she went straight to the drawers to see what had happened.

She opened the top drawer, which was full of dirty knickers, and the Scottish bloke was dead!
She opened the middle drawer, which was full of dirty bras, and the English bloke was dead.
She opened the bottom drawer, which was full of used sanitary towels, and the Irish guy jumped out....

She screamed then said '' How the fuck did you survive?''
And the Irish guy said '' Easy.. I fed myself on your jam sandwiches''

Acht, Yi Ken Fit like.

I'm known to walk alone...but, i'm alone for a reason

I don't have an ego... I just love how awesome I am

www.myspace.com/aliadri

"You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land who's boundaries are that of imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Twilight Zone!"
- Rod Sterling

A Chinese man and his Jewish friend were walking along one day when the Jewish man whirled and slugged the Chinese man and knocked him down.

"What was that for?" the Chinese man asked.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish man said.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, you are all the same!"

"Oh!"

They continued walking and after a while the Chinese man whirled and knocked the Jewish man to the ground.

"What was that for?" the Jewish man asked.

"That was for the Titanic!"

"The Titanic? That was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, you are all the same."

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars. ~ Khalil Gibran

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Mahatma Ghandi

A nipple.


An army camp stationed in the desert had just received a new commander. During the commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree at the edge of the camp. Having asked what it was for, one of the soldiers started to explain to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there were no women there. The commander stops him short, not wanting to hear anymore, and they go along their way.

A few weeks pass, and he too starts to miss his wife, so he orders the men to bring the camel into his tent. After about an hour the commander comes out, zips up his pants and says, "So is that how the other men do it?" The soldier responds, "Nah, we usually just ride the camel into town."

Hahah I like this one...I made up a twist of it but I won't say it...it's too graphic..