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In my ten years of coaching men and women on the perils of dating and relationships, the one journey women tell me they never want to go on again is meeting and hanging out with the "needy and clingy" man.
Now, I can practically hear men's voices protesting from everywhere, saying "But David, there are a lot of needy women too!" This article is not about them... it's about you.
Below are ten signs that you are being needy. Remember you are trying to attract women, not turn them off. So if you suffer from any of these signs of neediness, you need to immediately stop those actions.
1. You just walked a woman to her door at the end of a date. Instead of kissing her, you ask her if she had a good time. Women are attracted to confident men. They don't want to have to tell you that they had a good time on a date... they want you to be secure enough in yourself to assume that they had a good time.
2. You called a woman last night and she has not yet called you back, so you either email her or call her again to ask her if she received your message. If you want to push her away, this is one of the best ways to get her to quickly run away from you.
3. You start texting a woman you just began dating five or six times a day. You are over-texting her. You don't need to check in every two hours. That's a sign of neediness and clingy behavior that turns women off.
4. You miss a call on your cell phone from a phone number that you don't recognize. You call the woman you're dating, and to whom you talked just two hours before, and ask, "Did you just call me?" This kind of behavior is going to push and scare her away.
5. You agree with everything the woman you're dating says. Women are not looking for a man who agrees with everything they say. Women want a man who challenges them and from whom they can learn. When a man agrees with everything a woman says, he is telling her that he'll do anything to have a relationship (which is another sign of being needy).
6. The woman you're dating is out for the evening with her friends. She promised to call you when she got home. It's getting late and you haven't heard from her. You just can't resist and you call her cell phone several times until she answers it. This is a sign of being needy and insecure. She's out with her friends... not out with another guy. Let her have some personal space and she'll respect you more.
7. You are too available. If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you're dating asks you to do something that night. Women don't want men who are like a 7-Eleven -- convenient and ready 24/7.
8. You try to please a woman all the time. I'm all about men doing nice things for women, but she has to earn it. Some men will let a woman walk all over them, and then continue to be a sponge and allow it over and over again. Stand up for yourself and she'll respect you more. Letting a woman walk all over you is a clear sign to her that you're needy.
9. Don't be afraid to challenge a woman. If you don't agree with something a woman says, don't just sit there and agree with her thinking it's what she wants. Women are looking for someone who is going to stimulate their mind... not bore them. Women are not turned on by men they can completely control.
10. Be the man! Have a plan and stick with it. Women like men who plan out evenings of fun.
Don't always ask a woman what she wants to do. Listen to what she likes when you're having conversations with her, then come up with a fun plan that you will already know she'll like. A needy man will do whatever a woman wants. A man of action will create plans for what they will do. Being a man of action will lead her to find you a lot more attractive in the long run.
Women are attracted to men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them... but only after you already have your own life, your own ambitions, and your own goals.
The moment a man starts getting too clingy, a woman will run for the hills. This is exactly like how you will pull back from a woman who becomes clingy and needy.
I'll admit that I made a couple of these mistakes back when I was young and inexperienced (and thought that it was what girls "wanted") - but I quickly learned from my mistakes.
And I have to admit - when girls have asked me whether I "think they are attractive" or if I "am going to call them tomorrow", etc. - it does kinda turn me off (no matter how attractive the girl is).
Basically the same things that are going to turn you off (as a man) is going to turn most women off. No one is a attracted to a clingy, insecure person.
"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crisis maintain their neutrality."
"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag, carrying a cross" - Sinclair Lewis
^ True - but I think males tend to be a more lenient about such things - esp. if a guy thinks the gal is attractive (she may not be a "keeper", but could be a short-term fling).
Women are attracted to men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them... but only after you already have your own life, your own ambitions, and your own goals.
this is an interesting statement. if a guy has his own life, his own ambitions and his own goals, essentially what a woman would be providing is companionship, sex and the ability to merge herself into his said plans and goals if family/children is on the horizon.
otherwise she's like a biker chick wrapping her arms around our waists while we plow through life on our Silver Black Phantom bikes.
