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My teenager drama
Unce upon a time I went to a party, got drunk, picked out a randomly attractive guy and pushed my tongue into his mouth. Since I was hopelessly wasted and horny, the next day I thought it was a good thing that we wouldn't see each other so much in the future... although he's really cute, but it was kinda emberassing.
A week later his best galpal and my best buddy hooked up and I found myself in the akward situation of having to do things together without being able to avoid each other. After a sort of slow start it turns out we got along pretty well.
So, he has a girlfriend (long distance, long term). But he is the sort of person who has a lot of physical contact with the women around him, constantly huddling, smoochy smoochy... and although he is like this with any girl around him, it sortta was too close for me to handle, after all he's very attractive.
It became more akward, after we hung out alone, he cooked dinner for me, we went for coffee and stuff and then one day we just talk, like good friends would do and he goes like "you know what, I really don't like if you tell me about other guys. I don't wanna hear that" - I thought he was joking, since he is the one with the girlfriend, but he was completely serious. I laughed it off, telling him, that it's cute, if he's jealous, but of course he said, he wasn't, so I laughed even more. The next day, as if to say, there you have it, when we went out together he completely ignored me and was holding hands all day long with another girl (some childhood friend).
This is, where my ego became involved, so I started to be all cranky and possesive and shit. I put our so-called friendship to the test, invited him for dinner, but he turned the invitation down, saying he was to tired, although he called me, saying he wanted to do something. A day later I asked him again, he didn't answer my messages, the phone or his MSN. So I got all worked up, turned into drama-mama and sent him a message on MSN, saying that I don't wanna beg for his friendship and if anything doesn't feel right or he feels too much pressure from me, he should just say so instead of ignoring me, coz I simply hate this. Nothing came back for days, we meet again, he wants to be all smoochy again, I simply keep my distance even sort of pushing him away, when he wanted to make physical contact. When I finally started a conversation, I asked him, if he got, what I was saying, he completely brushed it off as "It wasn't, how you thought, was just busy,don't think too much", blah.
The way I see it though, I think that he wasn't entirely sure, if I wasn't interested in something more than friendship, so he backed off. Now, that hurts me a little bit, coz if something like that is the matter, one should just say so, right? I don't like being turned down based on simple assumptions, I'm more of the facing-the-issue-type (although creating issues is another specialty of mine, but that's a women thing, I suppose). After all I know, he has a girlfriend - hell, I'm the one, who keeps mentioning her randomly (I found out, it makes him feel uncomfy, so I use this to tease him)!
So I just went, sorry, for putting too much pressure on you, he goes, that's okay, everything is back to the beginning, where things were akward - I kept being distant but cheerful, he was being more silent than usual. I could feel that when we said goodbye that night he was being a little... hurt, which was strange (and maybe I got it wrong).
His best friend says, that he really likes me a lot, of course only as a friend and that he is just like that with the girls around him. However, she says, he truly wants to be my friend. But he hasn't spoken to her about the matter really. I don't know, what I'm feeling towards him, coz that whole ego thing is sort of blurring my perception of my wanting to be friends with him or not.
So how the hell should I act, if we meet? Pretend that nothing happened, being his best friend again with all the huddles, smooches and holding hands, keeping it superficial? Or should I try to drag him into a real conversation about the matter, telling him, how it hurt me being turned down like some sort of groupie?
Or should I break up our usual group to hang out and avoid him?
I feel, like I'm 15 again, except, when I was 15 I was rather asexual.
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