My best friend is a girl and she has been my very best friend since around 17 years now. We grew up together; we know each other by heart. She’s one of the very few friends who saw me in every states, moods and situation, even the most embarrassing ones. To make it short, she is more than a friend, she is like my sister.

She is the kind of girl who is always smiling and laughing, who loves telling jokes and very talkative, she could keep talking for hours and hours. However since I came back from my 1-year studies and internship in China a couple of month ago, she has been acting very weirdly with me, less talkative, less cheerful and less “touchy” (she used to take grab my arm every time we see each other since years).

And last week, we had a talk; I asked her why she has been acting so strangely. She told me at first that she was like usual but after insisting strongly she finally told me that her “feelings” for me started to change about a year ago when I was about to live for China. She told me that she think she is falling in love. I was so shocked and I kinda panicked, I laughed and replied something like “This a joke right? You’re kidding? Come on! You can’t be serious?” and laughed again. I know it wasn’t smart at all ☹. To make it short, I told me that I was a jerk and she left, for the French speaker, her exact words were “Espèce de connard! Viens plus jamais me parler !”. I didn’t tried to stop her from leaving but I was totally shocked. It was the very first time she talks to me that way…

Since that day, I haven’t tried to call her or see her at all because I don’t know what to tell her. I’ve been thinking and thinking all over again for days and well… I can’t find a way out. I don’t feel like way about her… She is my very best friend. There is just no way we could be a couple. I love her like a friend. Right now, I feel like no matter what I tell her, our relationship is gonna change… 17-year of true friendship

I could really need some advises now and meanwhile I would be pleased to hear your opinions about true friendship between a girl and a guy.

Many thanks in advance!

Looks like she doesn't want to stay in the Friend zone any more.

A hundred years of human existence,
Prodigy and fate intertwined in conflicts,
Mulberry fields turned into open sea,
Enough's been seen to melt the heart.
Little wonder that beauty begets misery,
For Blue Heaven's jealous of exquisite glamour!

My best friend of 20 years is a guy. There has been sexual tension between us at times, but we always kept it in check, cept for one time when we were 18 and drunk..

But seriously, we were in each other's weddings, friends with each other's spouses, and spoil each other's children.

It can work, and be wonderful, just need good boundaries.

The thing to really think about, is if you take the love route, you run the chance of not having her in your life if you don't work out. But if you do, you have someone who has already loved you for years, warts and all, and who may even know your soul better than some new woman.

If you're not attracted to her then all you can do is draw the line, and make it clear that you value her friendship but don't want a relationship. Then continue with your life. She will decide how to cope with her feelings. She may disappear for a while.

If there is a true friendship there, one of you will open up the lines of communication again. It may take a few years. This is her issue; there's not much you can do about it.

I was in a similar situation with one of my guy friends when he broke up with his ex and I pretty much had the same reaction as you. Lucky for me he was drunk and at a party when he told me. I took the flight response. We never did speak about it after that night and honestly our friendship was a little on the strained side for quite awhile but we have managed to make it through all that and are really good friends once again. I think you will too it's just going to take some time. You may want to call her and apologize for your reaction - it caught you off guard. Second, tell her that you love her - she's your best friend but you could never go down the relationship road as you don't want to risk your friendship. Lastly, let her know how sorry you are that you hurt her.

*I know no one wants to hear I love you as a friend but that's the truth and I think honesty is best here. I really hope this situation turns around for you. I know just how difficult this is and how awful you must feel.

Cheers

You should call her. I don't know what you should say, but there is no point in losing a 17 year friendship just because it might be awkward to confront her. Things might change, but that is life and change isn't always a bad thing.

I believe that a guy and a girl can be friends, however there will always be a point in a good friendship that each person will question if they want to be more than a friend. For some it might be a brief second and never think about it again, but sometimes it might be a life changing thought that has been building over time.

You seem to be more in the first catagory. You thought about it and evaluated she is more like a sister. She seems to be closer to the other extreme and has been thinking about this and really fallen for you. Her feeling might change again and want to just be friends again, but that will always be out there. Who knows, over time your feeling might change too. Life is too short for what ifs, you should call her.

It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924)

I have a few very good male friends and that's all they have been through the years...friends. If any of them ever tried to move that forward that would be the end of our friendship, because I could never imagine myself being in love with any of them. They're my buddies!

There's not much you can do about the situation...she has moved away from the friendship zone and now sees you differently. All you can do is stay away from her and maybe just send her a note saying that you'll be there for her always in friendship and if she ever wants to talk, you're there to listen.

Some men would probably envy your position, but I know how that feels. It's weird, because you've never looked at her "in that way." Hope things get better for you and that she comes around, but I don't really think that will happen. Once you start being all starry-eyed about someone, it's hard to take that back.

It's happened to me, but I'm a lot older. I fell in love with my best friend once upon a time and once he got married, I finally woke up and decided that my bond with him is stronger than any romantic feelings I might've had for him. We're back to being good buddies again, though I doubt his wife knows that we slept together a few times. I would never bring that up. I honestly don't feel anything romantic towards him anymore and our friendship is stronger than ever. I don't know if many people could do this though without having those old feelings again. Just depends on the situation I guess.

People can be "just friends." Sometimes they'll cross the boundaries, but not always.
My best friend actually started as someone I was dating. As it turns out, we just work better as friends, and we have a great time together.

You should apologize for hurting her feelings first, but it's definitely important to let her know you don't feel that way about her.
If you've known her for that long, you should know how to cheer her up, even if it was you who made her sad in the first place.
It'll be ok - the key is to keep the communication in.
Problems don't magically fix themselves - if you hurt someone with communication, the only thing that's gonna fix it is more talking, to get the issue resolved.